Live by Faith

Greetings from Mongolia!

It’s been over a week of many touristy activities. I’ve seen my share of barely clothed Mongolian men wrestling during the largest national celebration called Nadaam Festival. My digestive system has successfully handled much meat and salty milk tea; however, we’ll see how it all goes when I go to the countryside for 2 weeks on Thursday.  I’ve mainly been surrounded by English-speaking foreigners from all over the world which has proved to ease my transition here, but also has left me a bit frustrated with the amount of touristy stuff we have done. However, I enjoy learning about the culture and appeasing the adventurous part of me. I could just rant, but let’s see if I can be a bit more organized.

1) Multiculturalism

The team I am working with has roots from Malaysia, America, Taiwan, Slovakia, Ireland, Korea, and Bangladesh. The organization I am working with represents 20 countries that work together in one office for one purpose. I just think it’s amazing how God transcends culture like this. Hearing stories and being able to understand each other’s perspectives on a variety of topics just excites me. Being shown off for being a Korean-Bangladeshi is a level of refreshing I cannot explain. It is in such extreme contrast to how I grew up having to tell people in Alabama that I was half Indian because they did not know where or what Bangladesh was. I just love being around people who have an awareness of how huge but simultaneously small the world is. Like who would have thought I would meet a Tufts graduate here?! Having such a diverse team could have its challenges with different perspectives and understandings of situations, but all the prayers for our team to have unity have been powerfully answered. We had an unexpected addition to our expected three-member team. Even so, we have all unified so quickly, and I am having the best time laughing with them and sharing about how God has worked in our lives. I will return to America with a slew of new expressions to use. hehe

2) Traveling

I just love it. I wish I could speak more languages so that I could ask people about their stories, but something about traveling just excites me. Trying new food, walking around the city, observing the families, paying with different currency, looking at how the clouds seem different, listening to their language, and more. I love learning about how people greet each other, how to cross the street properly, how not to offend a native. Just something about it all makes me want to just travel for the rest of my life. And to return to the countries I went to when I was too young to appreciate them.

Somewhat related to the last two topics, but I have discovered things that annoy me about America. I absolutely hate that we don’t use the metric system. WHY AMERICA. It’s so stupid. I hate it. Secondly, we went to the International Intellectual Museum which is full of puzzles and things that made me feel like my brain was inadequate. There were many cultural chess boards, and the American chess boards represented baseball, dinosaurs, and the Civil War while all the other countries represented centuries of history and art. I dunno… it just didn’t make me particularly proud of the American culture. Thirdly, I just feel so extremely blessed to have grown up with a Korean mom and a Bangladeshi dad. Growing up in the south, not everyone but many choose not to engage with the diversity of the world. Fine, but I am just so thankful to not be an American who doesn’t think only Americans have the best to offer. There’s so much to learn about people if we would only ask and listen. Ultimately, I am thankful to have been raised in  a country with a diversity of stories to hear from a beautiful representation of the world’s people.

3) Fellowship

There’s something really special about being surrounded by people who want to understand you. I’ve already talked about the foreigners here a bit, but the interactions I’ve had with local Mongolian believers have been unique experiences. I said in prior posts how I think God is going to do something incredible, and I imagine that as something big like healing a person who is blind. I’m not going to stop believing for that, but God is teaching me to find joy and praise in the small things too. Which aren’t even small… they’re big in God’s eyes. Simply sharing a few words of encouragement to Mongolian believers who visited our apartment just gave them and ourselves such motivation to keep on in the faith. By simply showing up for ministry to some alcoholic men, I have shown them that even if their wives and kids want nothing to do with them, God’s servant loves them already. If I left tomorrow, I think I have served a purpose in Mongolia already. By simply showing up from another country, I have shown the power of God’s love.

At the same time, I feel like I have been served more than I have given. The long-term workers we have come to serve have served us more I think. The Mongolian Christians I have interacted with have encouraged me tremendously. The leader of the alcoholism ministry has done so for eight years while facing extreme discouragement and lack of partnership in a country where 52% of the population struggle with alcoholism. In a country that in 1991 there were less than 10 Christians but now have 50,000 Christians. What faith. Plus, I could just see him shine. He was shining with a joy that could only come from the Lord with such limited resources and a difficult ministry. I was just so touched by my brother’s faith. Being told by Mongolian Christians “God bless you” is special.

Also, I haven’t been spending as much time talking to God alone as I would like to. The team today did a first-week evaluation today, and we all felt the same way. However, we realized that we have felt the presence of God together. Every time we sat down to listen to each other’s testimonies. Every time we prayed together. Even though we all felt we were lacking in our own personal times, God showed us the power of fellowship and unity. He has shown up in all the ways we have served. All of which are fruit of hundreds of prayers from ourselves praying for the trip before and from our supporters. It encourages me that even though I might not pray as much as I’d like to, I KNOW that there are so many others covering us in prayer. It encourages me actually to pray more. So thanks to all of you.

4) One Way

I visited the church I will be working with yesterday for the first time. My goodness, it was an extremely special moment to listen to “One Way” by Hillsong in Mongolian. One of the highlights of my life was to sing about how Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life and how we must live by faith and not by sight in Mongolia.

I am very excited to be working with this church to help nurture their youth ministry leaders in training and sharing testimonies with the congregation. That is what I will be doing in the countryside for about 2 weeks starting this Thursday. Be praying for those leaders and for them to full-heartedly serve and honor our God.

Holy Spirit, you are so welcome here.

Soak

I just feel like it’s important for me to say this. I don’t know why, but even though all I have is time at home, I find it harder to connect to God as much as I do at Tufts. Maybe it’s the change in people who surround me or the loss of constant business at school which further necessitates the rejuvenation I get from resting in His presence. Or maybe it’s something else entirely. I don’t talk to God constantly here. I talk about Him and think about Him, but I don’t really talk to Him much more than my daily prayers for others. It’s a strange thing that I realized was draining me somehow.

He invited me to just chill with Him so I decided to intentionally focus on Him and His presence. To just rest with Him and enjoy Him as He delights in me. So yesterday, I remembered this song.

Then I remembered why I love His presence so much. It’s because He can love me more in a moment than all the lovers could in a lifetime. I’ve listened to a lot of worship songs on youtube, but man, I don’t know if it’s possible to not sense the presence of the Lord through this song (and the youtube spiral you might go on after this like I did haha) and how Bethel Church just sits at His feet. I found myself just randomly crying while I was soaking these songs in because His presence just touched me so deeply. This love is SUPER deep and BEYOND our understanding. Stop putting God in a box! Every time I get a revelation of His love, it’s only a taste of the immensity of how deep, furious, passionate, unending, and reckless it really is. It’s just…everything.

We are meant to be loved. It’s a longing in your heart that you cannot deny. The only One who can fully satisfy that desire is God. That’s the good news isn’t it? “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” -Romans 8:38-39. It’s true! Nothing you do will ever be able to separate you from His love. Your failures, your weaknesses, your addictions, your doubts, your pride… He loves you through those things and just wants You to come to Him with that so His power may rest on you! “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” -2 Corinthians 12:9. His love sets you free. This truth sets you free. It’s not about striving to gain His attention or doing all the right things so He’ll love you. He can’t take His eyes off of you. He has loved and will always love you whether you realize it or not. So yes, we come to Him with lots of flaws and baggage, but His love will refine us. He loves you as you are, but He also has some changes to make in you. A never-ending, beautiful process as He grows you in His love.

Rich Mullins said this: “I think one of the hardest things in the Christian life is (and especially for people who have grown up in America) … [that] we’re very arrogant people. And I think it’s very hard to allow God to break us…When the Lord loves He chastens, and…if we’ll never be broken, we’ll never be saved. God doesn’t break us because He hates us or because He’s angry at us, but we have to be broken just like you have to break a horse [...] Being loved by God is one of the most painful things in the world, it’s also the only thing that can bring us salvation.”

So just soak it in. Admit you need Him and Him alone. A loving Savior and Best Friend who knows you better than you know yourself. Sit with Him and see what happens. Be a laid-down lover.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” -John 15:13

Alive In..Me???

This is the revelation that has been blowing my mind repeatedly for the past few weeks. Think about this. The intricacies of human anatomy, of human biological processes, of the way that flowers get nourished, how the sun sustains us, of happiness, of thought, of…everything that is good in this world are reflections of the character of the Creator of the Universe. A God who is good. Now we see those amazing beauties around us. The thing that is crazy is that this same Creator…ready?…LIVES INSIDE OF US.

Before I get too excited, apologies to all my blog readers since I haven’t posted in a long time. Simply put, there’s so much going on that I don’t even know how to start. This is a case of no news is AMAZING news. If I did start, it would have been a book of jumbled thoughts proclaiming God’s goodness and craziness in my life. He told me though just now to post because someone needs to hear this message. After finals, I will be properly absorbing and reflecting on the things that have happened and post away before I leave for the summer (that post is next! it’s exciting news).

“But because of his great LOVE for us, God, who is RICH in mercy, made us ALIVE WITH CHRIST even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by GRACE you have been SAVED” -Ephesians 2:4

Oh man isn’t that amazing news?! Not only does God love us so immensely, recklessly, passionately that He saves us by grace, but He give us the fullness of life. The fullness of joy. Nothing you can do, no matter how much you feel like you’ve wasted your life or made mistakes or made awful decisions or whatever is keeping you from receiving Christ can make God love you more or less. It’s just an unending, unfailing, unshakable, unfathomable, incredible, deep, reckless LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

This is proving difficult to express. My heart rate is increasing as I write this because words are failing me to describe to you this incredible truth that is making my heart burst at its seams. The truth that gives me freedom.

There are so many stereotypes and baggage attached to the word ‘Christian.’ If I went up to a random person and said that I was a Christian, there would probably be numerous reasons that immediately jump into his or her head of why I will probably be a repelling person to talk to. That’s why I don’t like to say I’m Christian. I’m a follower of Jesus who believes in the POWER of the Holy Spirit living inside of me and that God is my Father and my Best Friend. I have no idea what differentiates denominations today and where I would belong. The thing is I don’t care. Put a label on me, fine, but the only thing that matters to me is that I love Jesus. I love His presence and all I need is Him. There’s NO WAY I’m going to turn back. How can I turn back to my old way of life when I just went through the motions of daily life, not realizing the emptiness inside of me? I wasn’t seeking after God or curious about anything to do with religion, but God’s love lifted me. He wanted me so much to know Him and desire Him that He just showed Himself to me, lifting me in His love to be awestruck and blessed forevermore. How can I everrrrr deny the change I see in myself? I’m not the same person because the Spirit made an incredible change in me that only He could. If I am truly being a conduit and not a container of God’s love, then my words should be full of life, joy, peace, hope, faith, and love which is immensely attractive. THAT is how I want to be, someone who reflects how immensely attractive Jesus is. I fail countless times, but I just want to be the Jesus I see in the Gospels. Let Jesus who lives in me shine shine SHINE. Be Christ-like to those who see me. The term Christians in the book of Acts did not come about because those who were walking with Jesus felt like they needed to label themselves, it was the name given to them by those who saw them from the outside. See, people noticed something different about them.

About four years ago, I began to chase back after Jesus. I wasn’t quite reckless with my pursuit yet, but it was a good step. Three years ago today (coincidence that today is also Children’s Day in Korea? I think not), I didn’t realize how powerful and amazing the gift of receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit was and would be in my life. The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, that healed the sick, that opened blind eyes, that empowered, that encouraged, that comforted in the Gospels is not a thing of the past. It is today. It is now. My God is NOT dead, He is very much alive. If He was dead, I’d be absolutely crazy for believing that if I lay my hand on someone’s forehead to ask Jesus to take her headache away, it would happen. However, that is exactly what I do because I know there is POWER in Jesus’ love for people that desires for His children to not have headaches. So I pray that in the name of Jesus, it would be healed. By faith not by sight, I know it is done. Seeing results is not what I desire, it is seeing people encounter the love of Jesus. So yes, in the past few weeks, even though I have much more to learn as I step into this, I have seen Jesus heal people. Not by my power because these hands of mine couldn’t do anything if I didn’t have the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through them.

If I sit here and think about each breath I take, He is the air I breathe. He makes my heart beat. He makes me feel so alive, especially when I praise Him with my voice and heart. Sometimes I exuberantly praise Him on the outside and it feels amazing, like at Boston Night of Worship for instance. Sometimes, like as I write this post, my heart is exploding as I listen to my playlist. I don’t have to utter a sound to know that Jesus is listening. I can yell the words in my heart, and I know He hears it. He smiles at me because He knows that I am coming to understand just a speck more of the immensity of His love as I reach a deeper intimacy with Him.

The things I am writing now would have never come from this brain during my first half of college. There are a group of people who know how much I’ve changed in these past couple of years. I tried to tell some freshmen this year how the person that they were talking to is not the same person she was before. It’s just the biggest change ever that I can’t describe it. It just reminded me, especially today, how much God can do. He is not of time, so what is three years? It seems like a short time in our eyes maybe, but how can you not transform when you surrender all to Him?

This change was only possible because of Jesus. He lives inside of me. And you whether you believe it or not. If you surrender to Him and realize that He is truly the Savior, the Messiah, the Beloved One, you’ll realize that you were filling your heart with things that were distracting you from the incredible Being inside of your heart. The thing is, you can’t cover Him so much that He can’t break through.

I feel as though this post was jumping everywhere, but I’m not surprised. There’s just too much to cover. My encouragement to you is to see what it’s like to talk to God. He already knows your struggles, your thoughts, your desires so acknowledge Him and see how He surprises you. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I am asking, but He listens and answers exceedingly, abundantly, more than I could ever ask or imagine. As I’ve entered a deeper intimacy with Jesus, Satan has been trying harder to lie to me and distract me from His goodness and love. However, by growing in intimacy I’ve grown to recognize the voices that are speaking truth and those that are speaking lies. For instance, Satan has been trying to tell me that I need stress and worry to get through finals. I reject that lie in the name of Jesus because Jesus tells me not to worry. He tells us to go in peace for our faith has healed us. And that is the truth I stand firm in. That is why Satan will never win. God’s love wins and it is inside of me. I have more power than Satan will ever have, because I am a co-heir with Christ. I’m not only a conqueror, I’m MORE than a conqueror in Him who loves us (Romans 8:37). I still can’t wrap my mind around that one. What does it even mean to be MORE than conqueror???? ahhhhh

His love heals every disease. His love fulfills your every need. It is simply everything. (“Your love is everything” by Jesus Culture just played). Go and have an encounter with Jesus. Just see what happens. He is Love and He has so much in store for your life. So much He desires for you, if you would only open up your heart and let Him in. He’s telling you to come away with Him. It’s never too late. He has a plan for you and it’s gonna be wild, it’s gonna be great, and it’s gonna be FULL of Him (“Come Away”, United Pursuit Band).

This song has been repeated frequently for a solid two weeks. It epitomizes the wonderfulness of what Jesus does for me and you.