This post has been BURNING on my heart for more than a week, but now I think I get why God wanted me to finish with this timing.
My love for people has grown incredibly. It’s quite funny when you think about how that identity crisis started in middle school with those mean girls at lunch who completely rejected me (I love them now! hah). I started to form myself around what I wanted people to think of me. Even after believing in Christ and receiving His grace, I still had this problem of trying to be whoever people wanted me to be INSTEAD of being me as God intended. It took a few years for me to realize that God’s opinion of me was all that really mattered. Sophomore year at Tufts I was finally able to let go of the unforgiveness I had for those 5th grade girls (oh. so basically it was the first day of school at a new school in Alabama, didn’t know anyone, set my tray down, before I sat down for lunch at a table with 8 girls they all simultaneously rose and moved to the next table). After forgiving, I was able to just…be… ME. It was incredibly freeing. That was really the start of finding who I was in God, and now???? NOW people might say falsehoods about me and assume things about me when they haven’t talked to me, but I DON’T CARE. I love them! While no one can offend me and make me cry alone in my room because I KNOW what GOD says about me, doesn’t mean that I don’t listen to what God might be saying through them. I just don’t allow lies about who I am to eat me up when I know that God knows me best and just loves me! “God knows that true change only comes through being loved, so change isn’t His priority, love is. It isn’t that He isn’t concerned about us growing; it is that He knows the best way for us to grow is to be loved.” -Tyler Johnson
My facebook status the other day: “LOVE is such a huge word. Then again, it feels so small when an “I love you” to someone just doesn’t do justice to how I feel inside. Even when I say it a lot. That’s why I want to hug people for so long…I figure the longer hug says something more. I hope they can actually feel the love because I can feel it overflowing from me. Loving with my actions. GOD IS LOVE. God feels so big while also being in every detail. He’s amazing.”
Dudes are you getting this?!??!?! It’s INCREDIBLE. When you’re free of/died to yourself (aka if you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you received His death and resurrection on the cross, meaning, you also died and rose again to NEW LIFE…check out Romans 6), it makes you FREE to just BE GOD’S PRECIOUS CHILD. It FREES you to BE LOVE ITSELF. Heaven isn’t later, heaven is NOW. “Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.” -John 17:3. That tells me that I’m experiencing eternal life because I’m getting to know Jesus better and better every moment! WEEE! He didn’t say eternal life was going to heaven because Jesus restored heaven INTO us. I wouldn’t have testimonies of healing if Jesus wasn’t inside of me. I can’t heal anyone by just saying words and putting my hand on them. I CAN do this because I am declaring the TRUTH of what Jesus already accomplished on the cross. IT IS SO FREEING I WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS.
How? Well my main…really only advice…to people is that there is a huge difference between letting God love you and knowing God loves you. How do you let God love you? Dude, that’s between you and God. That’s why it’s so special. It’s a relationship where only you can love God the way you can. Why??? Because He made you special. You’re His favorite! You might be thinking…”well if everyone is His favorite, then no one is special.” But no! His love is SO BIG that it actually means EVERYONE is His favorite! So let Him love you how only He can. “Can’t nobody love me bettah, make me happy, make me feel this wayyyy!” Nobody but God Himself, the Creator of the Universe, can love you as He can because He. Made. YOU. He thought of you before the foundation of the world and loved you then. His love has never failed, it has never flinched. He knows you better than you know yourself. That’s why we’re growing. We grow when we realize more and more of who we are, of how He created us. It’s a discovery of how freeing it is to be yourself! A child of God! Free to run and dance and sing! Free to frolic in the field with Papa God skipping and giggling because He’s the BEST DAD EVER.
Dear you reading this post, you are soooooo special. Dad wants you to know that. He wants you to know that you are wonderfully and fearfully made. He understands you when you think no one else does. He gets how you feel because He felt everything to the extreme when Jesus was on the earth. He took all your pain and loneliness so you don’t have to feel it. You get to experience wholeness and fullness of life because your body is a dwelling place for the Holy Spirit. You are FULL of WONDER. Wonderful. Wonderful. Wonderful. The Father’s fingerprints are in your DNA. Did you know you have a special blood song? It’s crazy. [okay, biological details flee me but the point is] apparently some researchers at MIT realized that certain proteins make noises. So they chose blood to research. What did they find? Not only did the blood make noises, but it made a MELODIOUS song. Aka, EVERYONE’S BLOOD SINGS. Our DNA is unique, making everyone’s blood song unique! WHAT CRAZY RIGHT. Thennnnn they took a sample from a man’s liver that had cancer, and the sample was a discordant, ugly tune. Why? that cancer does NOT belong in that body! crazy God. crazy.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. -Psalm 139:14
His thoughts for you cannot be compared to the sands on the shore. I’ve realized through my love for someone how incredible it is that God can’t stop thinking about us. All of us. My love for that person was so intense that I just felt like exploding. If I wasn’t thinking about God or doing homework or whatever, I was thinking about her. I couldn’t help myself. All these creative thoughts about how I could make her happy or express my love surprised me. I would happily go out of my way to do whatever would make her smile, to make her feel better, to address any need she had JUST because I loved her. That’s it. That’s how it should be I think. A pure, uninhibited, simple, furious love. THAT’S our God. A God who can’t wait to just surprise with new ways to express His love, whether it be with words or an unexpected hug or a gift from His huge stash.
It’s hard to grasp how deep this Love is, but you know, that’s what makes all this so fun. Dad is fun! He makes me laugh and smile so much. Every day I grow in an understanding of how deep His love has always been, not how His love is growing. I’m the one growing here, seeing more and more of how union with the Godhead makes me explode with happiness!
On the 6th, I turned the big two-one. 21 years ago, I somehow made it out of my mother’s womb at 10:17 am. Lately, birthdays have been about celebrating and honoring my parents, the ones who brought me here. Here’s a video I made to honor them and you can laugh at all my awkward little Anisha photos.
I decided to enter into my birthday worshiping, so I was just alone in my room. In the secret place with Daddy. I would normally share everything, but it was so special I want it to be between me and Daddy. I can tell you this though. I realized I had spent birthdays being particularly thankful for my parents who have cared for me all the days of my life, but what I didn’t fully appreciate in the light of birthdays was how God has been there even when I didn’t know it. When I didn’t appreciate it. BEFORE I was even born. BEFORE the foundation of the WORLD. WHAT. That’s awesome.
So it’s only been 21 years on this earth with my Dad. I can’t wait for how He’s going to use me, a creation that he wonderfully made. He thinks each hair on my head is more beautiful and precious to Him than anything else in the natural creation, like even the Alps. I am His creation that has a special destiny as a doctor, to be a light to the world. The best part of all of this is that my birthday wasn’t really even thatttt special. Every day feels like a birthday because Jesus is with me! It’s so fun and special every single day! Being with Jesus? “It’s not a place of depression, in fact it is where all of heaven opened up and God poured out all your birthdays, Christmases, and Disneylands in one flail swoop. It is where every drop of the intoxicating wine of His love was poured out. The depressed self is dead.” -John Crowder, Mystical Union
I can’t find this song on youtube, but it’s on the Father of Lights: Music Inspired by the Film album, it’s called “Wonderfully Made” by Ben & Kelly Smith. This Spotify embedding thing should work…it’s a beautiful song. I love you all and wish I could hug you. *virtual hug*