But here’s my Jesus, so call Him maybe.
I’m so original.
Seriously though, I’ve been thinking about this post, but only feel led to write it now. A good 5 minutes after the last session of the Jesus Culture NY live stream just ended. I can’t quite wrap my mind around what Jesus did for me through this conference, but it was incredible. And I wasn’t even there in person, so that should tell you something about how Jesus is everywhere. Even right here in my room alone, worshiping along for the past few days.
Now I legitimately think that what I believe is just crazy to some people and even weirds me out sometimes. That I believe that on Friday night at the conference, there was an announcement that they had a need for someone who knew sign language for a deaf girl they were not expecting and therefore had no accommodations for previously. Then Saturday morning at the end of the power evangelism session of testimonies full of how Jesus is healing people everywhere and anywhere, that deaf girl had her ears open. She had never heard before since birth, and JESUS OPENED THEM. That’s crazy talk. Wait, you might ask, why would Jesus heal something He designed for her to be born with? You might have many suggestions, but if your suggestion isn’t that satan was trying to afflict her but Jesus already took that affliction on the cross, I’m afraid you have a clouded idea of my completely GOOD God. Good=God, evil=devil. It’s in the name. The catch is, miracles like these should be normal everyday occurrences for Christians. However, many Christians don’t know this exciting power and love is available to them, to do more than what Jesus did when He walked the earth. Boring?! This walk with Jesus is anything but boring.
Here’s a crazy thing I do. I believe Jesus never leaves me. I don’t have to ask Him to come and be with me. He NEVER left me since before I was even formed in my mother’s womb. He was thinking of me before He formed the earth. That’s how special I am to Him. That’s how special YOU are to Him. So because I believe that He never leaves me, I don’t ever have to feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my lonely moments recently but it felt different than lonely moments I’ve had before. This time, I refused to listen to satan’s lies that I really was all alone and that no one wanted to help me. Yeah, I had a pretty rough day and I did not feel like explaining what was happening to anyone. That’s where my beautiful Best Friend comes in. I have been learning about just how incredibly powerful His love is for me, so I could fight satan before he could even start to get at me. Jesus already knew how I was feeling better than I could know. So all I had to do was sit and lay with Him. Just rest. So something I’ve started to do before I fall asleep, is recognize the fact that He lays right beside me. I look over and extend my hand. Then I imagine Him taking it, and us holding hands as I fall asleep. Call me crazy, but I’ve never been loved more in a moment than I have been by my Jesus.
I’ve been learning a lot about my God’s love for me by reading this book called “How to Raise the Dead” by Tyler Johnson that I will blog about eventually because I’ve just learned so much from the downloads in it. As I read though these incredible revelations, I somehow got more distant from God and started falling into my old ways of life. Becoming the dead woman that was already crucified with Christ, that should be long gone. I was getting irritated with myself while still remembering that there is no condemnation in Him who is in Christ Jesus. Then I realized, satan was trying to distract me from these incredible truths to make me fall, but it had the opposite effect. I was able to see how satan’s attempts are so laughingly futile in the face of what I know is true about myself. That I stand in an ocean of grace and that no matter what I do, I am so utterly and passionately loved by God. Satan actually helped these truths be ingrained in my heart. So maybe that is crazy to you, that I believe in other powers that try to take me from the glory of God’s goodness and love.
Well, I’m just gonna go ahead and warn you, but this is the least crazy you’re gonna find on this blog for a long time. This Jesus Culture conference just reminded me again of why I would spend hours for 3 days on my computer to experience what this ministry had to offer. It’s crazy that I would get up the earliest I’ve waken up at home this summer just to listen to a sermon. It’s crazy that I would hook up my speakers to my computer just so that the music would be loud enough for my voice to be drowned out. It’s crazy that I would tear up because I knew that Jesus’s presence was just overtaking my heart even alone in my room. Why did I do this? Because I want to know Jesus more deeply than anything else. I want to let Him love on me and just enjoy it. I want to walk in obedience and faith, not because I have to, but because I don’t know what else I’d want to do to grow deeper in relationship with Him.
So yeah, things are about to get truly crazy up in here. Why? Well first off, I believe in stuff that a lot of Christians have all sorts of theology to disprove. That’s okay, we can talk. I usually don’t go into it here, but God’s doing so much around me I can’t suppress it anymore. A girl’s deaf ears being opened in NYC. I believe that’s going to happen ALL THE TIME around me that I won’t be able to not tell you guys about it. I have a feeling that Mongolia is going to finally break that last bit of fear that is holding me back from praying for random people God shows me. I could list many words of knowledge (prophetic/divine knowledge given to believers by God about someone or a situation) I’ve received but have NOT acted upon. Because I’m afraid. PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR. I can tell I’m almost there. I just still stumble on the fact that I think people will judge me or think I’m crazy. Fear is the opposite of faith. You know but now I’m steadying myself on the Rock. Jesus accepts me as I am, no matter what I do. When I truly live in the truth that He loves me so much, I won’t be able to help but love on others as Jesus does on me. That’s when I’ll be able to step out and pray for people, when I won’t CARE whether they think I’m crazy because I’m just trying to give them an ENCOUNTER with the LIVING GOD who heals every disease, casts out demons, cleanses the leper, and raises the dead.
I just have a feeling. God is really gonna rock me in Mongolia. Then I’m gonna be home for a few days before I fly back up North to go to the Power and Love Conference in CT when I’m going to practice walking in power and love (essentially miracles that point people to the greater reality that Jesus is alive). Then I’m going to vision for Tufts with my fellow schoolmates at a conference before the semester starts. With ALL that, dude, Tufts is not going to know what happened to game-changer Anisha. That is until they find themselves face to face with Jesus. Then maybe they’ll have a clue.
Call me crazy. I don’t care. I’m normal to Jesus who’s crazy in love with me.
[not the best recording, but I can't quite find the one I usually go to ]