God Speaks

Post #2 on a series on God’s will. You can find post #1 by clicking here: “Love God and Do Whatever”

I guess for some people, it might be difficult to know how to just do whatever when you want to know exactly what God would have to say for your life. How can you just “trust God” and “have faith” if you’re not even sure if you’re doing this “loving God” thing right? STOP THINKING SO MUCH. As my mom told me a few days ago, “don’t use your brain too much it’s gonna cramp.” Okay, how about this. Think all your thoughts for God, like think about the cross/His love=His being/how amazing He is but stop thinking so much about what tomorrow holds because you forget to live in this very breath. This moment. Be alive in THIS moment! So when you just think about Him all the time, you’ll discover that you’re falling deeper and deeper in love with God and it’ll be awesome!

I highly recommending trying the not thinking so much thing, but seriously, people ask me a lot about how I hear God’s voice after I tell Him what He’s doing in my life or what He’s told me about my future. They wonder I guess from the way that I talk about Him…. why are you talking about God like He’s a friend that you just chat to or text frequently? How do you know that’s Him? Is that what intimacy looks like? Why don’t I hear His voice? Do I hear His voice? Am I doing something wrong? AHHHH

Yeah please don’t freak out. Sophomore year, one of my staff introduced to me this idea of intimacy. That He’s not just my Bestie, but my Lover. Whoa there. That must mean I should really know the guy well with all this intimacy! Well, it’s true. After that, I really dove into this fully committed, vulnerable, passionate relationship with the King, the Bridegroom. So naturally, I talk to Him a lot. From the outside, I am an absolutely CRAZY person who talks to herself while walking around, showering, eating, going to sleep, all of those everyday activities. A crazy person who believes that she is talking to some transcendent being who lives inside of her and makes her happy all the time. Yeah. It sounds crazy. But it’s real. I have never known anything so tangibly real and powerful in my existence. Now…He IS my existence. He’s my breath. He’s my heartbeat. He’s my everything and it’s crazily beautiful.

I don’t hear a big booming voice coming from the heavens telling me, “Dearest Anisha, why are you doing that? You must follow my commandments and be a good steward of the good gifts I have bestowed upon you!” Like seriously, I don’t know that guy. That does not sound like a fun friend or Dad to have. I hear my cool friend Jesus say “Anisha. What are you doing. You know that I wouldn’t have told you to do that if it wasn’t for your good! Why do you think I gave you the gift to love if I didn’t trust you? You got this!” I don’t hear a special voice that distinguishes my “Anisha talking to herself” voice and God. It’s just…a voice in my head that I know isn’t me anymore. It’s a voice that says stuff I would never say to myself. It’s a voice that is kind, gentle, loving, and patient. He’s like me and I’m like Him. So I’m not going to hear a voice that makes me uncomfortable….His voice to Anisha is going to be special and specific to me. Hey, the way He talks to you might be completely different and that’s COMPLETELY OKAY. That’s the point of intimacy. Maybe He’s sassier to you! It’s different for you and for me in the way it looks in the details, but overall, it’s just a beautiful intimate friendship. Like lately, Jesus has been trolling me a lot. If you don’t know what that means, He basically is annoying me for my good. “God trolls for the good of those who love Him” is my interpretation of that verse right now. When I see what He’s doing, sometimes all I can do is laugh because I see how ridiculously awesome God just set it up and accept it the best I can for the moment. It’s usually a good sign when you think you’re crazy for thinking that….that’s usually God.

When your best friend or mom or someone who you know really well calls you on the phone and if you didn’t have caller ID, you’d know who it was immediately right? You would just know who it was because of all the time you’ve spent with them, hearing their voice, knowing how they talk, etc. It’s the same with God! The more time you spend with Him, the more you recognize and know His voice. Reading the Word also helps because you learn how He speaks there. This is so important because there’s also a liar who plants and speaks lies to you that he hopes you will believe if you’re not grounded in Truth. If you don’t know who you are as a child of God, satan can easily trick you that you should feel shameful or angry or whatever so that you turn away from the Good Shepherd who you should be running to! Ah! Don’t let that happen! Check out John 10: 1-18. It’s good. See, the sheep know the Shepherd’s voice. They recognize the stranger’s voice but choose NOT to follow it. Just because you know God doesn’t disqualify you from satan’s whispering lies. Last year when I got depressed because of sex trafficking, I was listening to the enemy’s lies because I hadn’t learned how to recognize and not listen to it. He was telling me to stay depressed and that there was no hope ever. False. Now I recognize him very quickly because his voice is very demanding, chilling, annoying in a BAD not playful way, unloving. Don’t get scared (perfect love casts out fear)! Just learn to recognize the kind, gentle, and loving voice of your Father.

Don’t think you’ve ever heard from God? This is simply false. You would not even have faith in Jesus if you had never heard it first! If you had never had the open ears to hear about this free gift of faith and grace, you would not even care about how to hear His voice. YOU DO. You have heard Him. I promise. Just be still and know He is God. Yes, it can be challenging to just sit and soak in His love. Try though! Have you thought about how maybe if you shut up sometimes with all your complaints and requests maybe you’d hear what God had to say for once? Sorry if that’s harsh, but seriously. Give Him space to talk! If you had a coffee date with your friend, it’d be kinda selfish for you to say, “hey let’s catch up!” and you just blabber the whole time telling him/her about all your problems, worries, thoughts, ponderings and after you finish you just peace out. That’s kinda what you’re doing in prayer if you don’t let God have a chance. That’s where this whole relationship part comes in. Sometimes I just ask God, “how are you?” and He’s like “I’m good, how are you?” and we go from there.

So if something sounded difficult here, I promise, it’s not. When people ask me how I hear God’s voice or how I know it’s Him, I struggle to answer because that’s like asking me how do I know my mom is really my mom. Like…I just know. She’s my mom. How do I know it’s God? Because He’s just my Daddy. Is there really any more need for explanation? He rocks me to sleep and strokes my hair and holds my hand and skips in green pastures and spoons with me before I sleep and and and all the great things the Bestest Daddy would do. So just let Him. When you want to know Him, which I am assuming you want to if you’re reading this (and frankly, that is everyone in the world whether they realize God is the one they want), He reveals Himself. He revealed Himself fully in Jesus, so this is all very easy. It’s already done, just receive the gift and enjoy it! He wantssss you to get to know Him better and wantssss to whisper in your ear about how much He loves you, so just let Him! When you do that, then you’ll know His voice, and then you’ll better understand what His will is for your life and how He’s super chill about it

Okay. I feel like I was more unhelpful and made it sound “easier than it actually is.” Maybe that’s exactly what you’re thinking now as this post ends. Well. I am gonna trust Jesus spoke and that my future posts will further illuminate this for you after you’ve tried for yourself what all this could mean for YOU and Jesus. Not trying to apply what Anisha and Jesus have specifically, but just being YOU with Jesus and seeing what fun you have. So go forth and be merry! WEE!

Something Jesus wanted me to add to my blog is a new feature where you guys can submit questions you have for me if anything I say confuses you, provokes you, etc. that you don’t want to ask publicly via the comments. You can ask me about God, life, more details of a story, whatever! I will do my best to email you back promptly. You can email anishastands@gmail.com.

Recognize the Truth that lives inside of you! You’ll hear Him, I promise.

I Am Alive!!!!!

Jesussssss issssss AMAAAAYYYZINGGGGGG. I like seriously don’t know what to do with myself. So much is happening that I can’t handle it. I have too many stories that happen everyday for me to share it even with my closest friends or my mom or ANYONE but thank GOD hahahaha that He knows every detail because He’s the One making all these things happen anyway!!! HAHA I’m exploding.

I have three stories to tell you about how a God of details is pursuing everyone, whether or not he/she realizes how much he/she needs Him. I could just cry because it’s so beautiful. Well I did already for all these stories, but I could cry more. NOT out of sadness, out of the purest joy I’ve ever known in my life.

I woke up this morning just so HAPPY to be ALIVE! It just got crazier though. Everything He does screams “I love you” and everything He is says “I care.” Jesus is alive and well. He is living on my insides and roaring like a lion.

1) My father

If you know me at all, you would know that my go-to prayer request is for my dad. He’s Muslim and needs Jesus so desperately. Between my mom and I, we have probably accumulated a prayer army  in the number of something crazy like 100 people. You can ask me more about what God is doing in him, but I’ll share a brief overview.

My dad was quite a devout Muslim when I was young, praying 5 times a day and observing all the holidays. I would characterize him now as a cultural Muslim and observes holidays to prove to himself/others that he is still Muslim. He’s come a long way since my mom, brother, and I started our adventures with God 4.5 years ago (average). From hating how much we went to church and served there, to discussing the differences between some Koran and Bible stories with my mom, to letting us pray for his pinched nerve with him. After winter retreat sophomore year, my dad surprise visited me at a time when God was challenging me to tell me how much Jesus meant to me so I got to share what the Gospel meant to me and we discussed faith for two hours. At the end of that conversation, he told me that he was so proud to have raised a daughter who could make her own decisions and become a great person. However, he never wanted to talk about this again. Door closed?

God has told my mom and I in so many visions how my dad will one day receive Jesus and do so much for the Kingdom. One is a vision of my dad ankle-deep in the ocean, and once my mom and I were fully inundated in this ocean (interpreted as in the fullness of the Spirit) a HUGE WAVE just overtakes my dad. I was kinda confused by that because I knew I had been baptized by the Spirit but my dad’s encounter hadn’t happened yet. I saw visions of myself running to my friends’ rooms sophomore year telling them my dad had received Jesus. It didn’t happen though. I realize now that was God encouraging me and that NOW I REALLY UNDERSTAND what it feels like to have COMPLETE JOY and FULLNESS OF HIS SPIRIT. So my dad encountering Jesus is happening powerfully soon.

I knew though for a FACT that the seed had been sown. From then on, I’ve been praying for that seed to just be watered and that other godly people would surround him. That JESUS would be revealed to my father. My mom frequently tells me how he says things about business and life that he doesn’t even realize yet how God is pursuing him. Things like “your God must really love you because that business deal shouldn’t have closed out so easily” or “it feels like I have some weird favor in the business lately.” My dad has weirdly amazing connections everywhere he goes. Currently he’s in Bangladesh where once he actually answered my hopeless question of “what do you actually do, Dad?” and he’s dabbed in economic, political, social, and business enterprises throughout Bangladesh. People know him. Important people. So imagine what will happen when he knows Jesus loves him and he uses his gift with words to preach the gospel. It’s going to be so beautiful. His biggest dreams are to build a school and hospital in Bangladesh that provide free services. He’s told me that I’ll be the manager of the hospital. Talk about God meshing our dreams together. That day will come when we partner together to bring the Gospel to the ends of the earth.

In the past few months, the sincerity of people telling me that they would pray for my dad is something special. Something is happening.

Well I shared in this post how God told me to go home after graduation because it’s my dad’s time to see me live out my faith. At retreat this past weekend with my fellowship, God used a dear brother of mine to rock me. My brother came up to me at the end of worship and said that during his quiet time, he saw me first of all praying healing over a crowd (that’s going to happen at Tufts soon yo it’s gonna be awesome). He saw me also kneeling and praying for healing for my dad who is KNEELING NEXT TO ME and receiving the healing. HE’S GONNA KNOW AND LOVE JESUS SOON. I was falling on my knees with thankfulness when he told me. We had small groups so I didn’t really get to absorb the goodness of this vision. After some worship, I was just reveling in the glory when I noticed one of my bestest friends laying near me so I crawl over to tell her the vision. But she was like, about to cry and then I WAS LIKE OMYGOD THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. I have never imagined what it would be like to have my dad as a brother, I’ve just kinda known it would happen one day. But it really hit me. I get to talk to him about Jesus, worship with him, pray with him, study the gospels together. So basically what happened is that my sister and I joy cried for 2 hours straight. People thought we were crazy when they were walking in and out. But then on Sunday I got to share with them that God loved my dad so much whether they saw me the night before or because they asked about why my eyes were so baggy/why I was only capable of opening my eyes halfway. (swollen from all that joy crying) All worth it. I am so excited for this. If I cried for 2 hours just thinking about it, imagine what I’ll do when it really happens. AHHHH.

2) Freshmen

So I shared in the first item in this post about the first random person I prayed for. She is not random to me anymore. I’m going to be studying the bible with her soon over lunch with a good friend of hers too! Isn’t that incredible? That my first connection with her was when I had faith to pray for her randomly?

IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER. A GOD OF DETAILS. Just one testimony that shows me the fruit of simple obedience to be a small group leader when I didn’t expect to be one.

I was driving back from retreat and a freshman sister was my navigator. We were chatting while everyone else in the back was sleeping. She mentioned that she felt challenged after this retreat to be more open with her faith with her friends, especially Girl A and Girl B. I was like, WAIT. I AM DOING A BIBLE STUDY OVER LUNCH WITH THEM. Then we freaked out. I told the freshman that I actually met Girl A because she was the first random person I prayed healing over at Tufts. Then she was like WAIT I was THERE. Then I realized freshman sister was totally one of the two other friends sitting with Girl A that I couldn’t remember. AHH JESUS. After I had prayed and left, freshman sister was able to share with Girl A and B that she was a Christian and that she had never seen anyone ever pray for someone like that. Freshman sister was amazed by that person’s faith and the love she just witnessed, wondering if she would ever meet that person in TCF. WHO WOULDA THOUGHT that it would be her BIBLE STUDY LEADER HAHAHA. So we are driving in the car and freaking out how Jesus makes connections and is so detailed. Freshman sister tells me that my praying for Girl A’s leg sparked a spiritual conversation about how Christianity is a personal relationship with God and then they realized they got an invitation to Jesus and Java so they decided to go! They went to Jesus and Java (which is where I saw Girl A and freaked out because I hadn’t invited her to Jesus and Java and found out my prayer had made her day), they came to Freshmen Small Group the next week from freshman sister’s invitation, and I later got Girl A as my prayer partner. We really connected and last week I followed up. Girl A agreed excitedly to study the bible with me over lunch and invite Girl B with her to do it. NOW I HAVE A SISTER as a partner as well as someone to disciple in this process. JESUS. We freaked out for like 30 minutes in the car. I gripped the wheel and just kept saying “Jesus” over and over and freshman sister just encouraged me to focus on the road. We had a huge hug once I dropped her off, and once I parked the car and was about to return the keys to the owner, I just started crying because it was just so beautiful how much God loves Girl A to surround her with love and pursuing her like this. So excited. I just feel so incredibly honored to be a part of God’s detailed pursuit of Girl A.

He is a puzzle-maker and I occasionally get to enjoy the completed puzzle. What intricacy.

3) My own friends

I still can’t believe this. My first friend at Tufts and I discovered during orientation that we were basically the same person: Asian, pre-med, Hill residents, and Christian! We made friends with two girls and I’ve been praying for them ever since orientation basically. Never really had any spiritual conversations with either of them. Both of them know I’m Christian and one has noticed that I have a peace about me that she doesn’t understand. With the other, my first friend and I have constantly had weekly meals with even though I couldn’t really ever go last year. Consistency. Prayers work even when you don’t reap the benefits. God is at work!

Basically today at our weekly dinner that we have with one of these friends, God showed up (well He always shows up because wherever we show up He is hahaha). She was telling us about how she was doing and I don’t wanna betray the details publicly, but basically after a series of events that she herself said worked out weirdly perfectly, she is seeking faith. Has been going to church without us knowing. She’s agnostic and feels deep inside that there must be a bigger purpose and meaning to life. THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. For my first Tufts friend and I at least. We never talk about anything deeply personal ever with her. Ever. God has been pursuing her since the start. It’s beautiful. I couldn’t contain it so I teared up and laughed right there at the table even though she had no idea why I was but one day she will know when she’s my sister in Christ. It’s in her heart. She just needs to realize who she is! Before I can register what is happening, I’m sharing my testimony and saying how I don’t wake up in the morning saying “let’s do Christianity” but “Good morning, Jesus, I’m happy to be alive”. How I have discovered who I am in Christ. How this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and it’s life-changing and transforming. My first friend shared her testimony as well and we just got to talk for like an hour about Jesus!!!!! It was AMAZING. So much happened but I can’t share it all. I told her about how she needs to make room for God to work, give Him a chance by giving up control of something. I got to share the story above in #2 to explain how I know God is real because I couldn’t make that stuff up. She noticed herself how things worked out with impeccable timing and how even though it was a hard time, she seemed to have an epiphany that God might exist. She has great perspective on where she is in this journey and I am SO EXCITED. She realizes the immensity of it all, how it would change everything she understands about life. First friend if you’re reading this (you know who you are), I’m so blessed to have shared this moment with you and I am so thankful for everything you said and shared. You affirmed her so well and I am still shocked.

ALL THIS IN JUST THE PAST TWO DAYS. I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON MY BLOG ABOUT EVERYTHING GOD IS DOING IN MY LIFE. Rather, how much He’s showing me He’s doing. It’s so overwhelming. I have been asking God lately how I’m supposed to handle all this glory because it’s only mid-October and all this is happening. I can’t imagine what it will be like at the end of the year! I was so overwhelmed with it all that I passed out in the glory aka rested in the Lord during the Bible study portion of my small group tonight. It was too much. It’s not a nap… it’s like a trance if you will because I could hear everything that was going on but wasn’t there at the same time. I feel better now and this was a long post but I hope you have felt encouraged. I was also thinking about how if I knew about God’s intricate plans all over the world at this level I would never be able to stand under the weight of that glory. I’d just be on the ground all day.

Someone asked me this past weekend what made me feel most alive. I gave the Sunday school answer: Jesus. But I explained how no one else can love me the way He does, make me feel the way He does. He’s my every breath, my every heart beat, my joy, my salvation, my LIFE. I wouldn’t want to live a day without Him. I couldn’t live without Him now that I know His love and get to know it more deeply every day. This is life. Jesus Himself. The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in me. There is a lot of power and abundant life inside of me. I feel so blessed to be able to see all this fruit of my faithfulness lately, so everyone, TRUST GOD. He knows what to do with you when you just make yourself available to be used. It makes you feel alive and humbled that the God of the Universe is at work in your life.

He LOVES People

I am so overwhelmed. I was having a normal, unproductive day and then…. boom. God. I guess for a moment I forgot that every single day with God is an adventure. That this stuff IS normal.

For the past week or two I guess, I’ve been seeing a lot of people on crutches/with braces/arm slings. This is normal as of last semester when I was just starting to grow in this, but now it is different because I realize the power in the truth that I am a daughter of God. Perfect love casts out fear. When I am accepted by God, I cannot be rejected by people. So when I see people in pain, I want to proclaim the healing that has already been accomplished because Jesus took all that pain away on the cross. By His stripes we are HEALED. If you’ve read any of the other testimonies on this page, you would know that I’ve been able to pray for random people since that Power and Love conference more easily. Once I hit Tufts though, it got more intimidating. People here will see me around, might know me, etc. I guess that’s where it tests whether I really am sitting on the foundation that I am LOVED as a child of God. It figures that many athletes have injuries and that I find them mostly in the crowded dining hall. I haven’t been able to find the courage to approach these athletes who are usually surrounded by teammates, and as a brother of mine advised me, you usually don’t want to approach big groups so that there’s less peer pressure and more privacy. I got particularly frustrated after I went for a run on Monday and ended up approaching like 5 people for prayer. It was so glorious! As soon as I hit campus though, I got intimidated. Those people in Davis Square felt truly random. Here at Tufts feels different. Every time I didn’t approach someone, the enemy would repeat to me “you suck”, “you aren’t good enough”, “you’re condemned, you should have prayed for that person”, “way to honor God by not acting” and ALL THOSE LIES but I would immediately counter by repeating to myself: “I am loved” and Jesus would sneak in a whispered “I love you” once in a while too. I’m growing. That’s all. Love is patient. God is pleased that I am trying to be aware of the people around me that are in need of His love and healing hand.

So I was resting today in that. Then I’m leaving the dining hall, hugged the person I had just eaten with, and who approaches but two of the athletic guys who I wanted to pray for yesterday. I almost turn away, but I was reminded of what my brother said about trying to find them alone to pray for. So I turned, asked them why they had crutches. One guy had an ACL thing, the other just had an MRI that day on his knee, so I asked if I could pray and one of them gave me the go-ahead so I commanded the pain to leave in both of their legs, thanked God for loving them, and said goodbye. Then I turned back and almost burst into tears because GOD LOVES PEOPLE. He knew I was available to pray for them, so He gave me the opportunity right there on the corner in front of the dining hall. HE LOVES PEOPLE. OH MY GOD HOW AMAZING IS HE. Funny huh that I don’t pray in the middle of a crowded dining hall but I can on the street corner. I am just amazed at how God uses those who are available to chase after those who need another reminder that HE LOVES THEM. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Yet, I see a girl on crutches with 2 friends like 20 seconds after and the lies started flowing in again because I didn’t go up to her. I just laughed at the enemy this time because he was trying to steal my joy, but this just goes to show that I am still growing.

Facebook status after this happened: “You know when you know something about God but it just goes so much deeper? Well, did you know God reallyyyyy LOVES people?!?!? oh my goodness. He’s not mad at people even if they’re mad at Him.”

This is my new song on repeat. The second I turned away from those two guys, the depth of these lyrics hit me so hard. What I just did to sow a seed or water a seed already planted in those hearts wasn’t at ALL about me. It’s never about me. I died to myself, I am only ALIVE IN CHRIST. So this was all about God’s glory. I don’t share these testimonies to show off how awesome I am (well, I am awesome because Jesus is awesome and He lives in me) but to glorify how GOD makes me awesome. I will FOREVER exalt HIM above all names.

Your Presence is all I need
It’s all I want, all I seek
Without it, without it there’s no meaning
Your Presence is the air I breathe
The song I sing, the love I need
Without it, without it I’m not living
I will exalt You, Lord, I will exalt You, Lord
There is no one like You God
I will exalt You, Lord, I will exalt You, Lord
No other name be lifted high
There will be no one like You
And no one beside You
You alone are worthy of all praise
There will be no one like You
And no one beside You
You alone are worthy of all praise