I Felt the Love

Well I am currently in the Mongolian airport still crying even though we said goodbye like 30 minutes ago or something. The personnel at security and immigration stared at me because I was a messy, teary-eyed foreigner who looked like she would explode. Safe to say that I super HATE goodbyes because I tend to sad cry than happy or angry cry, so this was my tear ducts’ moment to shine. We were all just joking around and laughing, but the second someone said it was time for goodbye the tears just started rolling. It was like a reflex. I even surprised myself which says a lot. The amount of sadness I have right now that I don’t know exactly when I will see this amazing host family again or see Grace again and laugh with her cannot be explained. I just reread Grace’s letter slowly and carefully. I will cherish it forever. I’m guessing I’ll reread it another 20 times before I step onto American soil again. And at first I thought the random paper she used was silly, but it’s so perfect. Reminds me of a lot of special moments I’ve had with her.

I am not sure when I will get wifi to publish this from my phone, but I do have some things I want to say as Gabe and I leave on our 31st day of this journey for debrief in Los Angeles.

1) People can have a tremendous effect on me. I don’t really remember the last time I cried this long and still feeling like I need a good heavy cry (what is preventing me now is that people have been staring at me). Maybe it’s the accumulation of all the sadness that has built up to this public display. Since my return from Nalaikh to UB, the distance from the place I’ve been for the past 2ish weeks made me realize that I missed it. I still don’t know why I miss it because the language barrier prevented super deep connections from occurring, but I definitely liked them. While I was there, I didn’t feel particularly affected by what was happening, but the undeniable desire to be with them again made me question what exactly this effect they’ve had on me came from. I hope to keep in touch with them on Facebook which for some will be in broken, extremely simple English. (I’ve finally stopped crying now)

2) I’m unsure still about what I will miss. I know I will definitely NOT miss the dusty air of the world’s 2nd most polluted city. I could feel my respiratory system getting filled with nasty particles, hence the use of a bandana to cover my face frequently. Obviously I naturally will miss people, but is there something more? Do I miss the church office where many memories were made? Will I miss the natural beauty? Do I miss these things only because of the people who I associate those places with?

3) I know that God brought Grace and I together for a special reason. We connected deeply quite quickly. There’s something special about what we had. I am one who takes a while to trust someone and let them into my heart, but somehow she just came right into some of my most intimate thoughts and troubles. The undeniable impact we have had on each other cannot be denied. If I didn’t do anything else on this trip besides become Grace’s friend and sister, this trip was worth it. However, why did we connect in this way, in Mongolia, at this time? Did I have any effect on a Mongolian’s life? What was my purpose here? Maybe those are the wrong questions. Maybe I should just focus on being thankful for this opportunity even when I don’t understand its effects. I’ve been fighting the sentiment of not feeling like Anisha was needed at all in the Nalaikh church. Why did they need me for my testimony or my presence? What about me helped if it all? I guess what I’m trying to say is that I am having trouble trusting that God had a special purpose for my time in this particular country interacting with the Mongolians I spent time with.

I suppose what I want to say is please pray for my next few days at debrief (8/06 until 8/09). I have had a bit of trouble processing why I am feeling or thinking certain things, so pray for God to speak clearly to me and help me during my time at debrief. I want to make sure I am listening to what God is telling me that He is trying to teach me. I don’t want to relish in what I think is a good lesson but in what God has in mind. Some ideas I have are generosity, loving with actions, the importance of multiculturalism and language to me, and confirming my calling to be a missionary. There are so many things that God was probably shoving in front of my face, but I need His help to notice. During host country debrief, I was told that it takes almost a year on average for short-termers to get a more complete picture about what the trip was like and what happened. So keep praying for that if you would be so kind and remember me occasionally.

I have now boarded and can feel another cry coming on. Not sure if it’s for this country or what, but I anticipated getting sad on the plane. These tear ducts impress me sometimes. Even though I’m sad, it’s because I felt the love tonight and many other nights in this beautiful country. God, thank you for this chance to come here, keep us safe on this soon-to-be tiring journey, and just comfort those who need you so desperately even as they go to sleep now in Mongolia.

One of the theme songs for this trip:

Children of the Light

Sorry everyone for not being able to update in so long, but I had to be flexible with the failure of the computer in Nalaikh. I just returned from there last night, and I will be leaving on Sunday to LA for debrief. SO FAST. Before I know it I’ll be trying to study a textbook I can’t process quickly enough. I had to write my last blog post in my journal written on 7/25, so here it is verbatim:

I do not know when I will have internet access to publish this, but this blog post has been itching to get out of my head. I’m sorry to all blog supporters who have been looking out for posts. One of the mottos on these kind of trips is to be flexible right?

Well I have been at this church in Nalaikh serving for about a week now. It’s crazy how fast time is flying. I’ll be returning home before I know it. The youth ministry have is very young; therefore, we are doing our best to help the leaders be motivated to serve in this important ministry as well as investing in the kids ourselves. The night I had left UB, I had a sense that I was heading into spiritual warfare. This hunch is well explained through a song I’ve been listening to pretty much non-stop for the past week.

Children in the wilderness
Following the love You poured out for us
Covered by the Name that we confess
Jesus Savior forever

Roaming through the dark of night
Clinging to the word that burns deep inside
Eyes fixed on Your Name and endless light
Jesus Savior forever

It’s a bit of an exaggerated metaphor, but Mongolia is very much like the wilderness to me. I don’t know what to expect all the time; I’m in a foreign place with different foods/traditions/culture; I’m always on a wild adventure with God anyways. I am only here to love the people I am with because I am following the love He first poured out for me. Even though I’m in Mongolia, it is not as if God is only with me in Alabama or Tufts…He is with me wherever I go and I am covered by the blood of Jesus. I am forever motivated by His love. To be a testament of the living God. To be the salt and the light. “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” -Matthew 5:13-16

Last week for a night and 2 days we went to a ger camp with 16 youth ages 10-18. Even though I couldn’t fully communicate with them or understand what was going on, it proved to be a good time. Quite literally, we roamed into the darker night of the countryside with less light pollution when I brushed my teeth while gazing at the stars. Just reminded me of a great metaphor a friend made about how we could really be a beautiful star alone in the night sky. However, we have brothers and sisters in Christ who shine along with us to make an extraordinary sky full of stars that reflect God’s light.

Set alight to follow
In the shadow of Your Name
The world is Yours and I know
Everything will find its place
Under Your Name

During my time here, I have been trying to focus on God and lift my eyes to the cross. To rest in the shadow of what He has already accomplished for me as I shine His light. When I shared my testimony and what God revealed to me to share on the youth camp’s topic of “Who Am I?”, it was amazing how God spoke through me. My testimony is one that has a lot to do with identity and is close to my heart. The thing is that there was no way I would have known what points they hit on the day before because I fell ill. I was in bed for many hours resting, but God used the time to reveal what to add to my testimony. Really awesome. Also when I started sharing, an eagle flew behind me and Gabe was reminded of Isaiah 40: 29-31 which says “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Perfect right? Eagles soaring and a beautiful landscape to gaze at reminded me too of how God’s creation pales in comparison to how He knew us before we were even formed in the womb. We are such beautiful children!

Walking on through the fire
Knowing I will not be burned but refined
Fearless in Your Name ever by my side
Jesus Savior forever

Taking on the raging storm
Anchored to the kingdom unshakable
Holding to Your Name that outshines all
Jesus Savior forever

I am weak, but God is strong in me. There were many situations when I felt inadequate and small like the Mongolian dust, but He’s by my side. There will be difficulties, but I come out stronger and wiser. No matter what satan throws at me, I am forever tied to an unshakable Jesus. Plus, so many wonderful people here care for me, so they are also Jesus’s light to me.

Children of the light
Blazing through the night
Taking back what the devil had stolen

Calling on Your Name
Breaking every chain
Jesus everlasting freedom

Running through the wild
Dancing in the fire
Taking back what the devil had stolen

So here in Mongolia, God must be working something in me even though I’m small. So I faithfully walk with trust and hope. As I looked across the landscape and imagined all the ger-filled families living without following Jesus, I realized just how real this spiritual war is. Gabe’s family is going through things without him there, a girl got hit in the head with a rock while climbing a steep slope & that same rock knocked a boy out and injured others, and I got sick for the first time here. It’s because satan isn’t pleased we are taking back what he has stolen. Jesus already did everything on the cross, so I will call on His name forever.

Actually as I write this in my journal, I am falling sick again. Chills and a possible fever. I’m praying against satan’s attempts now, for I know Jesus gives us a place of victory. So Jesus, my Savior FOREVER, I am here to forever shine your light as a daughter of God. No one can ever take that away from me, and thank you for speaking to me like this during a “Who Am I?” camp. While Satan tries, I know I am a child of your light.

Jesus,
All the power
All the glory
All the praise be to Your Name forever

Live by Faith

Greetings from Mongolia!

It’s been over a week of many touristy activities. I’ve seen my share of barely clothed Mongolian men wrestling during the largest national celebration called Nadaam Festival. My digestive system has successfully handled much meat and salty milk tea; however, we’ll see how it all goes when I go to the countryside for 2 weeks on Thursday.  I’ve mainly been surrounded by English-speaking foreigners from all over the world which has proved to ease my transition here, but also has left me a bit frustrated with the amount of touristy stuff we have done. However, I enjoy learning about the culture and appeasing the adventurous part of me. I could just rant, but let’s see if I can be a bit more organized.

1) Multiculturalism

The team I am working with has roots from Malaysia, America, Taiwan, Slovakia, Ireland, Korea, and Bangladesh. The organization I am working with represents 20 countries that work together in one office for one purpose. I just think it’s amazing how God transcends culture like this. Hearing stories and being able to understand each other’s perspectives on a variety of topics just excites me. Being shown off for being a Korean-Bangladeshi is a level of refreshing I cannot explain. It is in such extreme contrast to how I grew up having to tell people in Alabama that I was half Indian because they did not know where or what Bangladesh was. I just love being around people who have an awareness of how huge but simultaneously small the world is. Like who would have thought I would meet a Tufts graduate here?! Having such a diverse team could have its challenges with different perspectives and understandings of situations, but all the prayers for our team to have unity have been powerfully answered. We had an unexpected addition to our expected three-member team. Even so, we have all unified so quickly, and I am having the best time laughing with them and sharing about how God has worked in our lives. I will return to America with a slew of new expressions to use. hehe

2) Traveling

I just love it. I wish I could speak more languages so that I could ask people about their stories, but something about traveling just excites me. Trying new food, walking around the city, observing the families, paying with different currency, looking at how the clouds seem different, listening to their language, and more. I love learning about how people greet each other, how to cross the street properly, how not to offend a native. Just something about it all makes me want to just travel for the rest of my life. And to return to the countries I went to when I was too young to appreciate them.

Somewhat related to the last two topics, but I have discovered things that annoy me about America. I absolutely hate that we don’t use the metric system. WHY AMERICA. It’s so stupid. I hate it. Secondly, we went to the International Intellectual Museum which is full of puzzles and things that made me feel like my brain was inadequate. There were many cultural chess boards, and the American chess boards represented baseball, dinosaurs, and the Civil War while all the other countries represented centuries of history and art. I dunno… it just didn’t make me particularly proud of the American culture. Thirdly, I just feel so extremely blessed to have grown up with a Korean mom and a Bangladeshi dad. Growing up in the south, not everyone but many choose not to engage with the diversity of the world. Fine, but I am just so thankful to not be an American who doesn’t think only Americans have the best to offer. There’s so much to learn about people if we would only ask and listen. Ultimately, I am thankful to have been raised in  a country with a diversity of stories to hear from a beautiful representation of the world’s people.

3) Fellowship

There’s something really special about being surrounded by people who want to understand you. I’ve already talked about the foreigners here a bit, but the interactions I’ve had with local Mongolian believers have been unique experiences. I said in prior posts how I think God is going to do something incredible, and I imagine that as something big like healing a person who is blind. I’m not going to stop believing for that, but God is teaching me to find joy and praise in the small things too. Which aren’t even small… they’re big in God’s eyes. Simply sharing a few words of encouragement to Mongolian believers who visited our apartment just gave them and ourselves such motivation to keep on in the faith. By simply showing up for ministry to some alcoholic men, I have shown them that even if their wives and kids want nothing to do with them, God’s servant loves them already. If I left tomorrow, I think I have served a purpose in Mongolia already. By simply showing up from another country, I have shown the power of God’s love.

At the same time, I feel like I have been served more than I have given. The long-term workers we have come to serve have served us more I think. The Mongolian Christians I have interacted with have encouraged me tremendously. The leader of the alcoholism ministry has done so for eight years while facing extreme discouragement and lack of partnership in a country where 52% of the population struggle with alcoholism. In a country that in 1991 there were less than 10 Christians but now have 50,000 Christians. What faith. Plus, I could just see him shine. He was shining with a joy that could only come from the Lord with such limited resources and a difficult ministry. I was just so touched by my brother’s faith. Being told by Mongolian Christians “God bless you” is special.

Also, I haven’t been spending as much time talking to God alone as I would like to. The team today did a first-week evaluation today, and we all felt the same way. However, we realized that we have felt the presence of God together. Every time we sat down to listen to each other’s testimonies. Every time we prayed together. Even though we all felt we were lacking in our own personal times, God showed us the power of fellowship and unity. He has shown up in all the ways we have served. All of which are fruit of hundreds of prayers from ourselves praying for the trip before and from our supporters. It encourages me that even though I might not pray as much as I’d like to, I KNOW that there are so many others covering us in prayer. It encourages me actually to pray more. So thanks to all of you.

4) One Way

I visited the church I will be working with yesterday for the first time. My goodness, it was an extremely special moment to listen to “One Way” by Hillsong in Mongolian. One of the highlights of my life was to sing about how Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life and how we must live by faith and not by sight in Mongolia.

I am very excited to be working with this church to help nurture their youth ministry leaders in training and sharing testimonies with the congregation. That is what I will be doing in the countryside for about 2 weeks starting this Thursday. Be praying for those leaders and for them to full-heartedly serve and honor our God.

Holy Spirit, you are so welcome here.