Love God and Do Whatever

Post #1 at tackling God’s will.

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a few months. God’s timing I guess is now so here goes!

I hope you all know that I love you all soooo much because when I say “I love you” it’s actually not my love but rather Jesus living in me. The love I have is an overflow of Jesus! Whatever I say here, you should chill with God and see what He says for you! This is my understanding and it has worked for me. I do say the stuff below though because I love you guys.

St. Augustine said, “Love God and do whatever.” This is how I essentially understand God’s will.

Oh yes, it is important for us to have a vision for our future with God’s leading. However, I think the emphasis on discerning God’s will is long overshot. Why do I hear people talking about figuring out what God’s will is for their life more than I actually hear them talking about God Himself and the amazing things He has done on the cross? Okay, I don’t know everyone’s hearts. I wonder though, what if we really trusted God and had a healthy wondering about the future instead of distressing whether we should go this way or that? If that were the case, I think the way people talked about discerning the will of God would not annoy me so much (sorry but it’s true at times).

I heard a sermon on the will of God that I partially agreed with. It sparked a lot of these thoughts but it didn’t really emphasize how I have the mind of Christ now. (1 Cor 2:16) That yes, I definitely do not understand all of God but that’s what eternity is for. To get to know Him better every day. So yeah, I do hear His voice and think His thoughts for me and the thoughts He has for others because I have the mind of Christ. There are mysteries about God, but ultimately, the mystery was revealed in Christ.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ -Ephesians 1:7-8

Oh. That says the mystery of His will was revealed in Christ. So…. if I love Jesus….I’m in His will right? I think then I can know God’s will as revealed through Christ. I’m not saying I will matter-of-fact always know what God’s will is for everything ever, but I do think that is what we should reach eventually as we discover the privilege we have through Jesus, the ultimate mystery revealed.

That sermon I referred to earlier did say how we shouldn’t distress over decisions at times when God just wants us to step forward in faith. Just go! The example was something like, “God! Should I wear the blue shirt or the red shirt?” God replies “whatever you want. both are great.” “But God! I need to know what your will is!” Yeah that shouldn’t happen. That’s silly. I forget where I read this example now but when a 5-year-old asks his dad if he can go outside to play, he should truly trust in his dad’s decision because dad probably knows better for the kid’s safety and well-being. But if a 20-year-old on a college campus calls dad if he could go outside to play frisbee with his friends, the dad this time is going to ask the son if he got hit in the head for calling about such a silly decision. “Son. You know how much work you have on your plate and whether you have time to play frisbee. I raised you to have the wisdom to make those decisions for yourself.” Insert Papa God for dad in the above scenario. Get the picture?

Let’s be childlike. Not childish. Let’s laugh. Play. Have fun with Daddy/Papa God/Best Friend/Everything You Could Ever Want in a Person. While we have fun, you still need to make a decision and just step forward in faith (a faith that is actually a gift from God). This journey/adventure with God is a free gift for freedom. It’s awesome!!!!!! Just fly!!!!!

So. Love God and do WHATEVER. God ISSSS LOVE. So Love LOVE.

“We are never out of His will if we are in love with Love” -Anisha surprising herself in a texting conversation

Maybe it’s like we are on a highway. God wants us in a certain lane that is like the car pool lane, straight and narrow, quick to the destination. Sounds good! We don’t want to be in the lane with too much traffic, or take an exit too early, or wander off into the ditch, or hit a guardrail. But guys. God is a tender, compassionate, loving Father who won’t let us waver in the storm if we are founded on the solid Rock that is Jesus. Whatever happens, you’re going to feel like you’re in cruise control because He’s there. He NEVER leaves. The world is telling you that you should be worried and confused and wondering why all this bad stuff is happening to you, but you won’t care. Why? You are ON A ROCK. HOW CAN YOU BE SHAKEN? Your identity is as a child of God. Daddy’s got you safe and secure. On that highway, you’re gonna get to the destination somehow. Even if you do take an exit too early or hit traffic, you somehow arrive don’t you? As long as your car is working, you’ve got enough gas, and you have a goal in mind?

So what if our goal is simply to love God? Let’s just enjoy the ride. Instead of fixating upon which lane to get in, when to change lanes, calculating every tenth of a mile left in the drive, let’s chill. Let’s look at the clouds. Let’s observe the people in the surrounding cars (without causing an accident hehe) and love on them. Maybe that looks like leading the way for a bit then happily watching them find their own wings. Maybe that’s not getting angry when they cut you off because you love them to such a ridiculous amount.  Let’s enjoy the company of the people in the car with us. Look at the trees, the mountains, the colors of the signs on the highway. ENJOY THE RIDE.

[aside: wow this is fun writing this. Always playing with Daddy because He lives inside of me! Well I've already hit 1000 words so I'm going to start wrapping up now....other posts about this will definitely come!]

So maybe we shouldn’t be worrying so much about God’s plan for our lives! What if the way you are asking God about your career path or your relationship status has been about knowing God’s plan but what if it’s really just about God’s preferences? But He makes it all work for the good of those who love Him, right? Simply, I think God’s plan for our lives is to BE LOVED by Him. Let Him love you. When you do that, you can’t help but love Him back. Then you just do whatever! okay? okay

Life with God shouldn’t be such a burdensome day by day wondering of where God’s gonna take you. It should be a joyous breath by breath living and breathing for the One who gave it ALL!

[God's will posts to come: how this has looked in my own life, how I hear the voice of God, how the enemy might try to mess up the 'plan']

I LOVE YOU GUYZEZ

For once I don’t know what song to put so I’m just gonna put one that makes me very giggly and happy and I usually end up cuddling or spooning with Jesus when I hear this

This is Crazy

But here’s my Jesus, so call Him maybe.

I’m so original.

Seriously though, I’ve been thinking about this post, but only feel led to write it now. A good 5 minutes after the last session of the Jesus Culture NY live stream just ended. I can’t quite wrap my mind around what Jesus did for me through this conference, but it was incredible. And I wasn’t even there in person, so that should tell you something about how Jesus is everywhere. Even right here in my room alone, worshiping along for the past few days.

Now I legitimately think that what I believe is just crazy to some people and even weirds me out sometimes. That I believe that on Friday night at the conference, there was an announcement that they had a  need for someone who knew sign language for a deaf girl they were not expecting and therefore had no accommodations for previously. Then Saturday morning at the end of the power evangelism session of testimonies full of how Jesus is healing people everywhere and anywhere, that deaf girl had her ears open. She had never heard before since birth, and JESUS OPENED THEM. That’s crazy talk. Wait, you might ask, why would Jesus heal something He designed for her to be born with? You might have many suggestions, but if your suggestion isn’t that satan was trying to afflict her but Jesus already took that affliction on the cross, I’m afraid you have a clouded idea of my completely GOOD God. Good=God, evil=devil. It’s in the name. The catch is, miracles like these should be normal everyday occurrences for Christians. However, many Christians don’t know this exciting power and love is available to them, to do more than what Jesus did when He walked the earth. Boring?! This walk with Jesus is anything but boring.

Here’s a crazy thing I do. I believe Jesus never leaves me. I don’t have to ask Him to come and be with me. He NEVER left me since before I was even formed in my mother’s womb. He was thinking of me before He formed the earth. That’s how special I am to Him. That’s how special YOU are to Him. So because I believe that He never leaves me, I don’t ever have to feel alone. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had my lonely moments recently but it felt different than lonely moments I’ve had before. This time, I refused to listen to satan’s lies that I really was all alone and that no one wanted to help me. Yeah, I had a pretty rough day and I did not feel like explaining what was happening to anyone. That’s where my beautiful Best Friend comes in. I have been learning about just how incredibly powerful His love is for me, so I could fight satan before he could even start to get at me. Jesus already knew how I was feeling better than I could know. So all I had to do was sit and lay with Him. Just rest. So something I’ve started to do before I fall asleep, is recognize the fact that He lays right beside me. I look over and extend my hand. Then I imagine Him taking it, and us holding hands as I fall asleep. Call me crazy, but I’ve never been loved more in a moment than I have been by my Jesus.

I’ve been learning a lot about my God’s love for me by reading this book called “How to Raise the Dead” by Tyler Johnson that I will blog about eventually because I’ve just learned so much from the downloads in it. As I read though these incredible revelations, I somehow got more distant from God and started falling into my old ways of life. Becoming the dead woman that was already crucified with Christ, that should be long gone. I was getting irritated with myself while still remembering that there is no condemnation in Him who is in Christ Jesus. Then I realized, satan was trying to distract me from these incredible truths to make me fall, but it had the opposite effect. I was able to see how satan’s attempts are so laughingly futile in the face of what I know is true about myself. That I stand in an ocean of grace and that no matter what I do, I am so utterly and passionately loved by God. Satan actually helped these truths be ingrained in my heart. So maybe that is crazy to you, that I believe in other powers that try to take me from the glory of God’s goodness and love.

Well, I’m just gonna go ahead and warn you, but this is the least crazy you’re gonna find on this blog for a long time. This Jesus Culture conference just reminded me again of why I would spend hours for 3 days on my computer to experience what this ministry had to offer. It’s crazy that I would get up the earliest I’ve waken up at home this summer just to listen to a sermon. It’s crazy that I would hook up my speakers to my computer just so that the music would be loud enough for my voice to be drowned out. It’s crazy that I would tear up because I knew that Jesus’s presence was just overtaking my heart even alone in my room. Why did I do this? Because I want to know Jesus more deeply than anything else. I want to let Him love on me and just enjoy it. I want to walk in obedience and faith, not because I have to, but because I don’t know what else I’d want to do to grow deeper in relationship with Him.

So yeah, things are about to get truly crazy up in here. Why? Well first off, I believe in stuff that a lot of Christians have all sorts of theology to disprove. That’s okay, we can talk. I usually don’t go into it here, but God’s doing so much around me I can’t suppress it anymore. A girl’s deaf ears being opened in NYC. I believe that’s going to happen ALL THE TIME around me that I won’t be able to not tell you guys about it. I have a feeling that Mongolia is going to finally break that last bit of fear that is holding me back from praying for random people God shows me. I could list many words of knowledge (prophetic/divine knowledge given to believers by God about someone or a situation) I’ve received but have NOT acted upon. Because I’m afraid. PERFECT LOVE CASTS OUT FEAR. I can tell I’m almost there. I just still stumble on the fact that I think people will judge me or think I’m crazy. Fear is the opposite of faith. You know but now I’m steadying myself on the Rock. Jesus accepts me as I am, no matter what I do. When I truly live in the truth that He loves me so much, I won’t be able to help but love on others as Jesus does on me. That’s when I’ll be able to step out and pray for people, when I won’t CARE whether they think I’m crazy because I’m just trying to give them an ENCOUNTER with the LIVING GOD who heals every disease, casts out demons, cleanses the leper, and raises the dead.

I just have a feeling. God is really gonna rock me in Mongolia. Then I’m gonna be home for a few days before I fly back up North to go to the Power and Love Conference in CT when I’m going to practice walking in power and love (essentially miracles that point people to the greater reality that Jesus is alive). Then I’m going to vision for Tufts with my fellow schoolmates at a conference before the semester starts. With ALL that, dude, Tufts is not going to know what happened to game-changer Anisha. That is until they find themselves face to face with Jesus. Then maybe they’ll have a clue.

Call me crazy. I don’t care. I’m normal to Jesus who’s crazy in love with me.

[not the best recording, but I can't quite find the one I usually go to ]

Why?

So I tend to hold off on telling people what God has been teaching me until I get the pretty, nicely wrapped up testimony that warms, encourages, and/or challenges people’s hearts. I think with my closest friends I tend to do this less. With my Best Friend I actively try NOT to do this…I ask Him questions and wonder what He’s trying to teach me all the time. When it comes to God, a sister said I was introspective. That’s good right?

So right now I’m going to tell you what I’m wondering to try to fully fellowship with y’all.

1. Why does God LOVE ME SO MUCH?!??!?!?!?!! I really don’t understand. How am I worthy of this love that’s higher than the heavens and deeper than the oceans? I fail all the time and when I look at Jesus’s ministry of purest compassion and love, I tend to get discouraged before I get encouraged. Yeah, He’s God and I’m human so I’m bound to fail, but still, it’s so hard to live this life in which I am called to represent Christ on earth to those who do not know Him. I seem to find myself having a messed up version of what it means to love someone. Then I look at Christ and it’s the purest, most overwhelming love. Why does He love me that much? “I do not deserve the grace that you have given or the promise of Your word/ Lord, I stand in wonder at the sacrifice You made”

2. I feel so guilty. I went to NYC with a friend to do touristy stuff like the Empire State Building and museums. [btdubbs, I loved the American Museum of Natural History, I felt so nerdy in the Hall of Biodiversity]. I feel like my reasoning to go on this trip was misplaced and I felt like I spent way too much money. Yes, money is fleeting and it was a vacation so it’s expected to spend a lot. Not to sound all ‘good and holy’ or whatever that means, but after seeing the bill after one meal I wished I had just bought a hot dog on the side of the street and donated the rest of the money to mycharity:water. The guilt is still eating at me, and I realized at some point that maybe God was trying to repeat the lessons I told ya’ll about in my last post. Maybe this is something to learn from, to walk in grace. It’s hard to accept right now though even though it’s past and there’s nothing I can do about it. As I struggled with this guilt, I was walking in a crowd out of South station to get on the T, and a woman stopped me among all the people around me to ask for money for her bus ticket. I honestly had $2 cash on me which was not the $40 she needed, and I just told her sorry and walked away. However, the second I left I doubted myself. I could have given her those $2. Or I could have figured out some way to use my debit card to help her. I felt so convicted because I truly felt like when I looked into her eyes that I was looking at Jesus. That sounds really weird now that I’ve typed it, but it’s true. Then I was reminded of this: ‘ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’ ‘ -Matthew 25: 44-45. I think I’m being harsh on myself, but if I say I believe all this and can’t live it out, how can I truly be His follower?

3. I don’t speak my mind when I should. This is something He’s grown me a lot in, but apparently I still have a lot of room to grow in. “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” -James 1:19-20. I feel like I am patient in a weird way since I think that everything will work itself out somehow whether I say something or not, but instead it continues to bother me until it boils up inside and I explode usually to my mom who puts a healthy perspective on the situation for me. I need to value my opinion more instead of just trying to please everyone. There needs to be some sort of balance here between trying to serve others and not letting my own voice be forgotten.

4. YET among all my questions and struggles right this second, God is so amazingly patient and good. When I was taking a cab to get to my bus from NY, I was sitting in the back pondering everything I just mentioned…on the verge of tears with the guilt that was eating at me. Then right when I was about to fall asleep, the cab driver started asking me questions. I don’t know how it happened or what led to it, but it eventually led to me sharing my interpretation of the Gospel and why I became Christian 3 years ago. To the Pakistani cab driver who has a master’s in religion, who I will probably never meet again in this world, I hope I will meet you in heaven one day. Talk about God giving you the encouragement when You start to wonder why He put you in these situations.

I guess now that this is written I realize I don’t openly share my jumbled thoughts much because I don’t really feel like I need tons of encouragement right now from you all. I’m not moping or distraught as it might sounds above. I definitely do want to receive your thoughts humbly. However, I have found the ‘right answers’ in the Bible and in prior experiences. Right now, it’s just getting all that to my heart again and only God can do that, so it’s just a process right now so don’t worry about me. Hope that came out right…

I’ll leave you with one of my favorite songs. Which I sang today in church thinking how the song says “I called, you answered”, but now I find myself thinking how God rescued me before I even realized I needed His rescuing. WHY DOES HE LOVE ME THAT MUCH? To save me before I knew I needed saving?