Natural

My resolution for 2012 was to be obedient because God has definitely proven to me that He’s trustworthy.

As I think about it, my journey has been incredible and there are infinitely more incredible adventures ahead of me. When I look back on 2012, I think it’s a year that I won’t forget. I saw so much fruit not because I was trying to focus on growing fruit, but I just dwelled within the Vine and I couldn’t help but grow fruit. I’m connected, in union with the vine. I’m a branch. How can I NOT grow fruit?! A good friend asked me what the highlight of 2012 was for me. I said that though I’ve been a confessing Christian for 4.5 years, 2012 was when I truly understood the magnificence and power of the cross. It didn’t change everything, but it did. Of course I wouldn’t have confessed Jesus as my Lord if I didn’t understand the cross to some level, but man, everything HAS changed because now I do really get it. Grace. Cross. Alive. God is good. Jesus lives in me>>> all words and phrases that are thrown around in Christian lingo, but oh now so much more powerful and meaningful. Everything I experience in life has to do with my understanding of the cross. Crucial!

Another part of my year….I just found out that I got on Dean’s List for the second semester in a row. Why is this statement so glorious and humbling?

Short version: Freshmen year solid GPA–>Sophomore fall academic probation I–>Soph spring academic probation II–>Summer term just bad. GPA suffers and lowest ever–>change to child development–>Junior fall removed completely from probation–>GPA is steadily increasing–>struggle to stop doing pre-med at Tufts (will finish post-grad)–>Junior spring Dean’s List–>Senior fall complete CD major–>Senior fall Dean’s List #2 with an almost completely redeemed GPA.

Long version in this post. It’s seriously long but all the details of my academic testimony are there. It’s a cool story in my opinion. Evidence of a faithful God, no matter how we react and flail our arms childishly when one little thing goes wrong.

The thing is, when I look back on how God came through I’m even more thankful because I see how much I have grown. In that long post, I claimed that I got angry at God because I didn’t know why all the suffering was happening when He could definitely handle a few grades. I shook. I thought I was in a desert place, a wilderness. Now if this were to happen all over again, I would confidently say I would not react the same way. I’m in the lushness of a Garden now, Jesus experienced a desert so that I would not have to. I am not shaken, because I am found on the solid Rock who makes me unshakable. I have everlasting joy. Through my experiences of being on academic probation, doubting my calling, failing to live up to my own and my parents’ expectations, being humbled, realizing God is my Answer and my Dream, knowing the power of open humility and sharing in community, and learning to live day by day, I now know identity’s fundamental nature. I realized more of who I am….a precious, valued daughter of God. When I got shaken, I forgot who I was. I let my situation determine my joy. Now, I KNOW who I am. I will NOT be shaken because I have everlasting joy. When a situation becomes troubled or difficult, I will testify to the truth of this everlasting Savior, who is Mr. Joy. Storms come to both believers and non-believers, but as believers, imagine how powerful a testament to the power of a relationship with Christ will be if we don’t depressed/angry/whatever when the storm comes. I’ve wanted to say this about my own academic story for a while now to my blog readers. Not to discredit where I was then, but to enhance where I am now.

In 2012, I learned how important it is to let God just love me. When I just let Him love me, growth and change just naturally happen. I don’t have to try. It’d be too difficult. My resolution to obey Him was me trying at first. When I just let Him love me, I understood His love to a deeper level. Then when He told me to do something, I wasn’t consciously telling myself “oh, I must obey God because He’s God and I made that my resolution” but rather obeying was a natural response. It wasn’t ever deeply challenging or contrary to what I wanted for myself because He never asked me to do something that wasn’t already in my heart (which is God’s heart so it all makes sense). His desires for my life are my desires too, so obeying was letting Him love me and show me more of His awesomeness through experiences. Going to Mongolia for missions, praying for people on the streets, becoming a Freshmen Small Group leader are all examples of obedience now that I look back. When those things happened though, I wasn’t consciously making myself obey. I was just going with the flow. Doing things that would love people and help me know God more! Naturally, fruit came. It’s really awesome to see change. I guess I always know my obedience does something. Maybe I can’t always see exactly what that something is yet, but I know that something exists….It’s very freeing to live like this, not feeling burdened or responsible to see the fruit but just knowing it will come!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. –Romans 8:28

So my resolution for 2013 is…nothing. I’ve resolved to live every day as a lover of His presence. So I’m just gonna keep doing what I’m doing and let the King love me. I think that’s a good thing to live by for all my days. New Year’s this year didn’t seem as special a time to reflect on the year and make new goals. I think it’s because it really is just another awesome day with the King, moving into another calendar year, constantly excited for what He has in store.

Here’s a song that God reminded me of the day I got found out about Dean’s List, it’s simply perfect. Helped me celebrate it with Him with a lot of joyful giggles.

Cheers.

Happily in Love

The semester is wrapping up and I was thinking about the blog posts I’ve written this semester. The feel of these posts have changed, and I can’t quite place my finger on it. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m just always happy now and am super aware of when the enemy is trying to throw a wet blanket over my joy unspeakable that won’t go away. Maybe it’s because I have lost that spirit of obligation to have a certain number of posts every month. Whatever it is, there’s one thing that I can no longer avoid writing about in relation to what’s amazing about this semester.

I’ve talked before about how awesome and glorifying to God it is to look back at my time at Tufts to see just how much God has transformed me. But man, I didn’t anticipate feeling like I hadn’t even scratched the surface until senior year. I thought there wasn’t any way I could grow so significantly as I did from senior year of high school to mid-college, but it happened.  So much has happened during my time here and it’s crazy every fall just how fast it goes. Even when I was mentally prepared for it to fly by, I still feel like I’m struggling to hold on to all the moments I don’t want to forget. Senior spring is going to be over before I know it.

The main lesson I took away from my summer trip to Mongolia was the power of loving with my actions. 1 John is an awesome book to read about the power of loving with your actions. Especially since I’m a very relational person who likes to hear people’s stories and just talk, not speaking Mongolian really taught me how to express my love in different ways.

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. -1 John 4: 10-12

This semester, I’ve learned what it means to BE love a little better. With my understanding, the point of being Christian is to know Love Himself and to be Love for others by living in the freedom of the knowledge that Love lives in me!

I had a few days this semester when I could tell that the enemy was trying to suppress my joy, but I was so hyper-aware of this everlasting joy that I immediately addressed what was going on inside of me by asking God and going to my brothers and sisters who spoke Truth! (Truth=Jesus) That small blip was a glorious image of how the body of Christ should work. Thankful for those sisters.

Otherwise though, I’ve been…. great. happy. ecstatic. overjoyed. all the time. Really though. Yeah I might get tired or concerned for how someone’s doing, but inside, there’s an everlasting joy. When people ask me “what’s new?” or “how are you?” I honestly and almost feel boring because I’m always “great and nothing’s new.” It isn’t boring at all though. I don’t even know what to update people on because it’s just….always great. Why wouldn’t it be? Jesus is alive and living inside of me! Everything has just fallen into place….academically, socially, physically, emotionally….ultimately though this relationship with God is the biggest treasure that makes me happy!

This is all hard to explain…I just find that I don’t think about myself much anymore. C.S. Lewis said, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” I think I understand that more now. It’s hard to express how much I love the people around me…. I sometimes don’t how to express it to them. I don’t remember if I put this facebook status yet on my blog, but…”LOVE is such a huge word. Then again, it feels so small when an “I love you” to someone just doesn’t do justice to how I feel inside. Even when I say it a lot. That’s why I want to hug people for so long…I figure the longer hug says something more. I hope they can actually feel the love because I can feel it overflowing from me. Loving with my actions. GOD IS LOVE. God feels so big while also being in every detail. He’s amazing.”

Fall 2011 was a semester that I’ll remember was when I learned the power of God’s faithfulness. This semester was when I learned what it feels like to really love someone with a deeper sense of God’s love….a love for a very special sister of mine!

God will help you understand…but I’m going to try my best here to explain what’s going on inside.

I guess when you read this, think about the person, besides Jesus, you would sing these lyrics to.

You were there to wrap Your arms around me

When my nights were cold and lonely

When I needed shelter from the rain

All I had to do was call Your name

Never let me down, You’re always there

Told me all my burdens You will bear

Never truly understand Your ways

I understand you love me, and for this I want to say

You are my joy!

You are my joy

Because of you I smile right in my storm

Your strength is perfect when I’m weak and worn

Thank you for the love You give to me

Thank you for Your grace and mercy

When all of these trials should make me sad

I will rejoice for You have made me glad

That really encompasses everything I want to say. The Truth (Jesus) we sing to is also the Truth that lives in our brothers and sisters!

The way I love her is the way I hope I will come to love everyone that God brings to my life. I’ve learned a lot about how God really loves us like CRAZY. How He thinks about us all the time, wants to just hang out with us all the time, tell us stories, listen to all we have to say hoping we’ll talk more, hold/cuddle us, remind us of how beautiful we are, walk hand-in-hand with us, have fun, laugh with us, make us laugh just so He can see our smiles….just EVERYTHING. It’s a love that’s patient. We already have access to all of God’s gifts, but sometimes He times it so perfectly and intricately to remind you of what you already have. Then it’s like a magnificent, blow-you-out-of-the-water surprise instead of just a pleasant surprise. He waits for justttt the right moment to wow you. It’s a love that sees through the external and knows the heart. It’s a love that is SO DEEP that it can’t be hurt by the actions of others. There’s an idea out there that when you let yourself love someone, you risk getting hurt. What if there’s a love so deep for someone there’s no wayyyy they can hurt you because you just love them so much?

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. -1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

It’s a love that is so safe that you can be all of yourself with the person. No need to put up guards because you know it’s always safe with the person. That even if you say something wrong, the person has already forgiven you. It’s a love that is so unified/whole/complete that sometimes you don’t even have to say something for them to understand what you’re trying to say. It’s a love that just sees the real you. Not just looking past your mistakes, it’s like they look at you like you don’t even have weaknesses. “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” ― Elbert Hubbard

I would do anything for her. I feel like I don’t deserve her. What is friendship exactly? I have a Best Friend in Jesus, so a friendship like this is a special thing to have. It’s a reflection of the relationship we have with Jesus. “What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ― Aristotle. Maybe that single soul is Jesus dwelling in all of our brothers and sisters! oooooh! heh. It is pretty undeniable the power of the connection we have through the blood of Jesus. 

Yeah all of that is why I know Love at a new level by the way I love this sister. If you actually know me and aren’t just a random blog reader (shout-out! I really don’t know how some of you found my blog, but thanks for following me?), you probably know who I’m talking about. It doesn’t really matter though ultimately, because it’s all due to the only Who that deserves the attention. JESUS!

This love we have for each other isn’t even us. Isn’t that awesome? That when I say…”I love you,” it’s not my love. We can only call it mine when we consider how Jesus lives in me, so me is Jesus in me. Sorry if that’s confusing. It really comes down to understanding that GOD. IS. LOVE. That the love I pour out into people is all from God. AHHH IT’S SO BEAUTIFUL. It makes my insides turn.

The amount I think about her and spend time with her concerned me as to how it was affecting my relationship with God. I was chilling with Him the other day, asking Him if I should be spending more alone time with Him. He responded: “Anisha, your love can never fail me.”

Excuse me. WHAT.

“I said, your love can never fail me. I cherish every moment of your love and it’s always enough for me. You never have to feel like you have to give me more, I know you’ve given me all of you. I AM all of you. When you love your sister and spend time with her, don’t worry about Me. Every time you think about her and love her, you’re loving Me. Go on, go see her.”

WOW. Talk about humbling when the God of the Universe tells you that your love never fails. whoa dude. hahahahah. Then I thought about it more, and it’s true….every time I’m with her I just feel like I’m hanging out with Jesus, because frankly, it is like I’m enjoying the way His presence feels when I’m with her.

“For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.” -1 John 4:21

Welp, I tried. “Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.” ― Muhammad Ali

Dear bubble-lovin’ sister, I love you.

Happily in Love =

1) I happily live/abide in Jesus who is Love

2) I happily am in Love with Love

3) I am happily inundated by the Love of the Body around me

There’s just so much to this Love. Get a taste for yourself. It’ll change ya.

Shine

The night sky tonight inspired me.

At church today, we sang this song by Matt Redman called “Shine.”

Lord we have seen the rising sun, awakening the early dawn,
And we’re rising up to give you praise.
Lord we have seen the stars and moon, see how they shine,
They shine for you,
And You’re calling us to do the same.
So we rise up with a song, and we rise up with a cry
And we’re giving you our lives

We will shine like stars in the universe,
Holding out Your truth in the darkest place.
We’ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we’ll be living for Your glory.
We will burn so bright with Your praise O God,
And declare Your light to this broken world.
We’ll be living for Your glory,
Jesus we’ll be living for Your glory.

Like the sun so radiantly
Sending light for all to see,
Let your holy church arise
Exploding into life,
Like a supernova’s light,
Set your holy church on fire;
We will shine.

The idea of shining is a cool one. It’s probably what confused me the most in the past when people wrote in birthday cards or whatever how they thought it was a blessing to see my light shine. I would sometimes ask, “How do you see that?” or “What exactly do you see?” because it didn’t really make sense. Now, I remind myself of Matthew 5:14 which says “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.” So DUH I shine brightly because Jesus said I’m the LIGHT of the whole WORLD because Jesus lives in me! The cry of this song is part of my heart cry. To shine in the darkest places. I don’t have to try harder to shine, all I have to do is be me. I’ll always be living for His glory because I can’t help it. Every breath is His. He is my every breath. Life is not life without Him. There’s no turning back. I’ll shine for this whole world to see.

Something I’ve said before because a sister had said it last year in an inspiring graduation speech for our fellowship, the stars are so much more impressive as a collective. Yup, one star is cool. However, what makes a starry night breathtaking is when it’s full of stars. Collectively, each star’s light creates a beautiful scene that just glorifies their Creator. Just like us! We each have a special light. I’m a special daughter of God, and you are an equally special child of God who can only shine the way you do because only you can be you. Together though, we can shine so powerfully and beautifully that people can’t help but stop and just gaze in awe at the beauty of God. Our God who is LOVE. Together, we show the diversity and complexity of God’s beauty!

God is pretty awesomely beautiful. He has great taste and a great eye when He’s creating. Look at the mountains or the blue sky or the green grass. Yeah, all that nature stuff. Better yet, just take a look in the mirror and you’ll know what I’m talking about. You were made in His image.

Explode into life like a supernova’s light! This journey called life should NEVER be boring with Jesus. He’s the bomb diggity. If you find your walk to be boring, chill with Jesus some more because He’s soooooo much fun. There should never be a boring moment. He makes you come alive! He paid the price so you can be whole and full of LIFE! So your life should always be joyful, exciting, and happy! It just happens when you always know Jesus is with you. Know He never leaves you because He promises it. You don’t have to feel Him all the time to know He’s with you. I will say though that when you grow in that knowledge, the feelings come all the time I’m growing in that too, but those overwhelming moments of God’s love come more frequently for sure. Can someone say “glory nap”? hahahaha [glory naps happen when my limit to handle God's amazingness is reached so I pass out in the glory of God and move to another glory level! we're moving from glory to glory! yay God! "The love of God is so huge and intense that when He begins to pour over us, it is like plugging a million-volt charge through a five-volt fuse. We just can't handle the glory." -John Crowder]

peace and blessings. time for bed.