A Beautiful Exchange

Merry Christmas! Woohoo!

I will try to keep this short.

The Advent season seems to promote a dangerous thought process for the Christian. Anticipating….waiting… for the coming of our Lord? but He came already…. oh the second coming? but when we emphasize that does it not take away from what He already came and did?

“But if you don’t want to think much on the cross, you obviously have a wrong perspective of it. It is a very appealing place when you understand it. It is not a place of depression. In fact, it is where all of Heaven opened up and God poured out all your birthdays, Christmases and Disneylands in one fell swoop! It is where every drop of the intoxicating wine of his love was poured out.” -John Crowder, Mystical Union

Today is technically Christmas Day, but is there really anything hugely special about it? Not sure. Maybe in the sense of family traditions, but with Jesus? Every day has felt like this then lately…. reminded that Jesus came to the earth as a baby (I love babies) because He loves me SO FREAKIN MUCH. As a sister said last night, “I love the fact that Jesus pooped himself!” It was ALL accomplished already so….are we waiting for anything?

The popular message/feel of Advent is that we are indeed waiting. I don’t think so. If we are, doesn’t that invalidate what Jesus did on the cross? Saying it isn’t enough?

I think everything is finished. I have everything. Jesus IS everything. I have Heaven inside of me. I don’t have to wait to get to a place called heaven. I am a manifestation of heaven itself. As the fruit of my union with God becomes more abundant, this manifestation will display itself more here on earth. Yes, it’s going to be awesome to bask in Jesus’s glory 24/7 with the light all around me or whatever if that is what heaven is like, but it’s not like I don’t taste or experience that at all now. Heaven is now too! I’m not waiting anxiously to go somewhere….I play and have fun now! It’ll just be a blinding fullness of glory surrounding me later. I have the fullness of the Godhead living inside of me! (Colossians 2:9-11 says: For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. In him you were also circumcised with a circumcision not performed by human hands. Your whole self ruled by the flesh was put off when you were circumcised by Christ) I’m pretty sure that’s full access now. Adam walked with God in the Garden. What a beautiful image! IT GOT BETTER THOUGH. I am the Garden now. He lives INSIDE of me so I have it even better than Adam! hahhahah. Wherever I step, He is stepping.

Yup, my God did that for me. THIS is my God. Who suffered and died for me. He’s my hero who redeemed me. He’s a loving and sacrificial lamb. Joyfully took my cross. HALLELUJAH. (this is my church in Boston’s Christmas concert! epic epic epic song)

Who is this child asleep on the manger?

Tender and mild, this intimate stranger

Recklessly, wildly loving a dangerous world

Who is this light invading our darkness?

Glorious might, the sun rising for us

Conquering might, He captures the hardest of hearts;

we sing…

This is our God, living and breathing

call Him courageous, relentless and brave

This is our God, loving and reaching;

scandalous mercy and mighty to save

Hallelujah, this is our God; hallelujah, this is our God

Hallelujah, this is our God; sing praise…

Who is this one who will not condemn us?

Why would He come to shoulder our sentence?

Nothing we’ve done will keep Him from giving us grace

Who is this one? We watch and we’re speechless

God’s only Son, embracing our weakness

He overcomes all death and He frees us to live;

and we sing…

This is our God, suffering and dying;

call Him the hero redeeming the lost

This is our God, love sacrificing;

all that is holy, accepting our cross

Hallelujah, this is our God; hallelujah, this is our God

Hallelujah, this is our God; sing praise…

Oh, this, this is Christ the King, whom shepherds guard and angels sing

Haste, haste to bring Him laud

The babe, the Son; the glorious One

The babe, the Son…

(p.s. we made the front page of the Boston Globe!)

We, as sons and daughters of the living God, are constantly being revealed as children of glory to the world. As time goes on, what if it’s just increasingly apparent to the people of the world that God is real? At some point, it’s just going to be up in everyone’s faces that it is undeniable, unarguable fact that Jesus is alive and well through His body. Maybe it will be so apparent that God will tell Jesus, “well, I guess things are getting pretty fun on earth as the glory keeps spilling out of them, you might as well go take another visit yourself.” What if the second coming isn’t so doomsday and judgment-filled as perceived? What if it’s like heaven has already invaded earth so Jesus just makes a quick appearance? What if the earth will already feel like heaven so Jesus coming back is just making it official? So He can restore everything to the new earth? I don’t know. Just some thoughts.

I guess my point is that the most beautiful and EPIC gift exchange happened on the cross 2,000 years ago. Only Love could make a way.

I Am Alive!!!!!

Jesussssss issssss AMAAAAYYYZINGGGGGG. I like seriously don’t know what to do with myself. So much is happening that I can’t handle it. I have too many stories that happen everyday for me to share it even with my closest friends or my mom or ANYONE but thank GOD hahahaha that He knows every detail because He’s the One making all these things happen anyway!!! HAHA I’m exploding.

I have three stories to tell you about how a God of details is pursuing everyone, whether or not he/she realizes how much he/she needs Him. I could just cry because it’s so beautiful. Well I did already for all these stories, but I could cry more. NOT out of sadness, out of the purest joy I’ve ever known in my life.

I woke up this morning just so HAPPY to be ALIVE! It just got crazier though. Everything He does screams “I love you” and everything He is says “I care.” Jesus is alive and well. He is living on my insides and roaring like a lion.

1) My father

If you know me at all, you would know that my go-to prayer request is for my dad. He’s Muslim and needs Jesus so desperately. Between my mom and I, we have probably accumulated a prayer army  in the number of something crazy like 100 people. You can ask me more about what God is doing in him, but I’ll share a brief overview.

My dad was quite a devout Muslim when I was young, praying 5 times a day and observing all the holidays. I would characterize him now as a cultural Muslim and observes holidays to prove to himself/others that he is still Muslim. He’s come a long way since my mom, brother, and I started our adventures with God 4.5 years ago (average). From hating how much we went to church and served there, to discussing the differences between some Koran and Bible stories with my mom, to letting us pray for his pinched nerve with him. After winter retreat sophomore year, my dad surprise visited me at a time when God was challenging me to tell me how much Jesus meant to me so I got to share what the Gospel meant to me and we discussed faith for two hours. At the end of that conversation, he told me that he was so proud to have raised a daughter who could make her own decisions and become a great person. However, he never wanted to talk about this again. Door closed?

God has told my mom and I in so many visions how my dad will one day receive Jesus and do so much for the Kingdom. One is a vision of my dad ankle-deep in the ocean, and once my mom and I were fully inundated in this ocean (interpreted as in the fullness of the Spirit) a HUGE WAVE just overtakes my dad. I was kinda confused by that because I knew I had been baptized by the Spirit but my dad’s encounter hadn’t happened yet. I saw visions of myself running to my friends’ rooms sophomore year telling them my dad had received Jesus. It didn’t happen though. I realize now that was God encouraging me and that NOW I REALLY UNDERSTAND what it feels like to have COMPLETE JOY and FULLNESS OF HIS SPIRIT. So my dad encountering Jesus is happening powerfully soon.

I knew though for a FACT that the seed had been sown. From then on, I’ve been praying for that seed to just be watered and that other godly people would surround him. That JESUS would be revealed to my father. My mom frequently tells me how he says things about business and life that he doesn’t even realize yet how God is pursuing him. Things like “your God must really love you because that business deal shouldn’t have closed out so easily” or “it feels like I have some weird favor in the business lately.” My dad has weirdly amazing connections everywhere he goes. Currently he’s in Bangladesh where once he actually answered my hopeless question of “what do you actually do, Dad?” and he’s dabbed in economic, political, social, and business enterprises throughout Bangladesh. People know him. Important people. So imagine what will happen when he knows Jesus loves him and he uses his gift with words to preach the gospel. It’s going to be so beautiful. His biggest dreams are to build a school and hospital in Bangladesh that provide free services. He’s told me that I’ll be the manager of the hospital. Talk about God meshing our dreams together. That day will come when we partner together to bring the Gospel to the ends of the earth.

In the past few months, the sincerity of people telling me that they would pray for my dad is something special. Something is happening.

Well I shared in this post how God told me to go home after graduation because it’s my dad’s time to see me live out my faith. At retreat this past weekend with my fellowship, God used a dear brother of mine to rock me. My brother came up to me at the end of worship and said that during his quiet time, he saw me first of all praying healing over a crowd (that’s going to happen at Tufts soon yo it’s gonna be awesome). He saw me also kneeling and praying for healing for my dad who is KNEELING NEXT TO ME and receiving the healing. HE’S GONNA KNOW AND LOVE JESUS SOON. I was falling on my knees with thankfulness when he told me. We had small groups so I didn’t really get to absorb the goodness of this vision. After some worship, I was just reveling in the glory when I noticed one of my bestest friends laying near me so I crawl over to tell her the vision. But she was like, about to cry and then I WAS LIKE OMYGOD THIS IS BEAUTIFUL. I have never imagined what it would be like to have my dad as a brother, I’ve just kinda known it would happen one day. But it really hit me. I get to talk to him about Jesus, worship with him, pray with him, study the gospels together. So basically what happened is that my sister and I joy cried for 2 hours straight. People thought we were crazy when they were walking in and out. But then on Sunday I got to share with them that God loved my dad so much whether they saw me the night before or because they asked about why my eyes were so baggy/why I was only capable of opening my eyes halfway. (swollen from all that joy crying) All worth it. I am so excited for this. If I cried for 2 hours just thinking about it, imagine what I’ll do when it really happens. AHHHH.

2) Freshmen

So I shared in the first item in this post about the first random person I prayed for. She is not random to me anymore. I’m going to be studying the bible with her soon over lunch with a good friend of hers too! Isn’t that incredible? That my first connection with her was when I had faith to pray for her randomly?

IT GETS SO MUCH BETTER. A GOD OF DETAILS. Just one testimony that shows me the fruit of simple obedience to be a small group leader when I didn’t expect to be one.

I was driving back from retreat and a freshman sister was my navigator. We were chatting while everyone else in the back was sleeping. She mentioned that she felt challenged after this retreat to be more open with her faith with her friends, especially Girl A and Girl B. I was like, WAIT. I AM DOING A BIBLE STUDY OVER LUNCH WITH THEM. Then we freaked out. I told the freshman that I actually met Girl A because she was the first random person I prayed healing over at Tufts. Then she was like WAIT I was THERE. Then I realized freshman sister was totally one of the two other friends sitting with Girl A that I couldn’t remember. AHH JESUS. After I had prayed and left, freshman sister was able to share with Girl A and B that she was a Christian and that she had never seen anyone ever pray for someone like that. Freshman sister was amazed by that person’s faith and the love she just witnessed, wondering if she would ever meet that person in TCF. WHO WOULDA THOUGHT that it would be her BIBLE STUDY LEADER HAHAHA. So we are driving in the car and freaking out how Jesus makes connections and is so detailed. Freshman sister tells me that my praying for Girl A’s leg sparked a spiritual conversation about how Christianity is a personal relationship with God and then they realized they got an invitation to Jesus and Java so they decided to go! They went to Jesus and Java (which is where I saw Girl A and freaked out because I hadn’t invited her to Jesus and Java and found out my prayer had made her day), they came to Freshmen Small Group the next week from freshman sister’s invitation, and I later got Girl A as my prayer partner. We really connected and last week I followed up. Girl A agreed excitedly to study the bible with me over lunch and invite Girl B with her to do it. NOW I HAVE A SISTER as a partner as well as someone to disciple in this process. JESUS. We freaked out for like 30 minutes in the car. I gripped the wheel and just kept saying “Jesus” over and over and freshman sister just encouraged me to focus on the road. We had a huge hug once I dropped her off, and once I parked the car and was about to return the keys to the owner, I just started crying because it was just so beautiful how much God loves Girl A to surround her with love and pursuing her like this. So excited. I just feel so incredibly honored to be a part of God’s detailed pursuit of Girl A.

He is a puzzle-maker and I occasionally get to enjoy the completed puzzle. What intricacy.

3) My own friends

I still can’t believe this. My first friend at Tufts and I discovered during orientation that we were basically the same person: Asian, pre-med, Hill residents, and Christian! We made friends with two girls and I’ve been praying for them ever since orientation basically. Never really had any spiritual conversations with either of them. Both of them know I’m Christian and one has noticed that I have a peace about me that she doesn’t understand. With the other, my first friend and I have constantly had weekly meals with even though I couldn’t really ever go last year. Consistency. Prayers work even when you don’t reap the benefits. God is at work!

Basically today at our weekly dinner that we have with one of these friends, God showed up (well He always shows up because wherever we show up He is hahaha). She was telling us about how she was doing and I don’t wanna betray the details publicly, but basically after a series of events that she herself said worked out weirdly perfectly, she is seeking faith. Has been going to church without us knowing. She’s agnostic and feels deep inside that there must be a bigger purpose and meaning to life. THIS CAME OUT OF NOWHERE. For my first Tufts friend and I at least. We never talk about anything deeply personal ever with her. Ever. God has been pursuing her since the start. It’s beautiful. I couldn’t contain it so I teared up and laughed right there at the table even though she had no idea why I was but one day she will know when she’s my sister in Christ. It’s in her heart. She just needs to realize who she is! Before I can register what is happening, I’m sharing my testimony and saying how I don’t wake up in the morning saying “let’s do Christianity” but “Good morning, Jesus, I’m happy to be alive”. How I have discovered who I am in Christ. How this is the best thing that’s ever happened to me and it’s life-changing and transforming. My first friend shared her testimony as well and we just got to talk for like an hour about Jesus!!!!! It was AMAZING. So much happened but I can’t share it all. I told her about how she needs to make room for God to work, give Him a chance by giving up control of something. I got to share the story above in #2 to explain how I know God is real because I couldn’t make that stuff up. She noticed herself how things worked out with impeccable timing and how even though it was a hard time, she seemed to have an epiphany that God might exist. She has great perspective on where she is in this journey and I am SO EXCITED. She realizes the immensity of it all, how it would change everything she understands about life. First friend if you’re reading this (you know who you are), I’m so blessed to have shared this moment with you and I am so thankful for everything you said and shared. You affirmed her so well and I am still shocked.

ALL THIS IN JUST THE PAST TWO DAYS. I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO TELL YOU GUYS ON MY BLOG ABOUT EVERYTHING GOD IS DOING IN MY LIFE. Rather, how much He’s showing me He’s doing. It’s so overwhelming. I have been asking God lately how I’m supposed to handle all this glory because it’s only mid-October and all this is happening. I can’t imagine what it will be like at the end of the year! I was so overwhelmed with it all that I passed out in the glory aka rested in the Lord during the Bible study portion of my small group tonight. It was too much. It’s not a nap… it’s like a trance if you will because I could hear everything that was going on but wasn’t there at the same time. I feel better now and this was a long post but I hope you have felt encouraged. I was also thinking about how if I knew about God’s intricate plans all over the world at this level I would never be able to stand under the weight of that glory. I’d just be on the ground all day.

Someone asked me this past weekend what made me feel most alive. I gave the Sunday school answer: Jesus. But I explained how no one else can love me the way He does, make me feel the way He does. He’s my every breath, my every heart beat, my joy, my salvation, my LIFE. I wouldn’t want to live a day without Him. I couldn’t live without Him now that I know His love and get to know it more deeply every day. This is life. Jesus Himself. The same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead lives in me. There is a lot of power and abundant life inside of me. I feel so blessed to be able to see all this fruit of my faithfulness lately, so everyone, TRUST GOD. He knows what to do with you when you just make yourself available to be used. It makes you feel alive and humbled that the God of the Universe is at work in your life.

Alive In..Me???

This is the revelation that has been blowing my mind repeatedly for the past few weeks. Think about this. The intricacies of human anatomy, of human biological processes, of the way that flowers get nourished, how the sun sustains us, of happiness, of thought, of…everything that is good in this world are reflections of the character of the Creator of the Universe. A God who is good. Now we see those amazing beauties around us. The thing that is crazy is that this same Creator…ready?…LIVES INSIDE OF US.

Before I get too excited, apologies to all my blog readers since I haven’t posted in a long time. Simply put, there’s so much going on that I don’t even know how to start. This is a case of no news is AMAZING news. If I did start, it would have been a book of jumbled thoughts proclaiming God’s goodness and craziness in my life. He told me though just now to post because someone needs to hear this message. After finals, I will be properly absorbing and reflecting on the things that have happened and post away before I leave for the summer (that post is next! it’s exciting news).

“But because of his great LOVE for us, God, who is RICH in mercy, made us ALIVE WITH CHRIST even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by GRACE you have been SAVED” -Ephesians 2:4

Oh man isn’t that amazing news?! Not only does God love us so immensely, recklessly, passionately that He saves us by grace, but He give us the fullness of life. The fullness of joy. Nothing you can do, no matter how much you feel like you’ve wasted your life or made mistakes or made awful decisions or whatever is keeping you from receiving Christ can make God love you more or less. It’s just an unending, unfailing, unshakable, unfathomable, incredible, deep, reckless LOVE. LOVE. LOVE.

This is proving difficult to express. My heart rate is increasing as I write this because words are failing me to describe to you this incredible truth that is making my heart burst at its seams. The truth that gives me freedom.

There are so many stereotypes and baggage attached to the word ‘Christian.’ If I went up to a random person and said that I was a Christian, there would probably be numerous reasons that immediately jump into his or her head of why I will probably be a repelling person to talk to. That’s why I don’t like to say I’m Christian. I’m a follower of Jesus who believes in the POWER of the Holy Spirit living inside of me and that God is my Father and my Best Friend. I have no idea what differentiates denominations today and where I would belong. The thing is I don’t care. Put a label on me, fine, but the only thing that matters to me is that I love Jesus. I love His presence and all I need is Him. There’s NO WAY I’m going to turn back. How can I turn back to my old way of life when I just went through the motions of daily life, not realizing the emptiness inside of me? I wasn’t seeking after God or curious about anything to do with religion, but God’s love lifted me. He wanted me so much to know Him and desire Him that He just showed Himself to me, lifting me in His love to be awestruck and blessed forevermore. How can I everrrrr deny the change I see in myself? I’m not the same person because the Spirit made an incredible change in me that only He could. If I am truly being a conduit and not a container of God’s love, then my words should be full of life, joy, peace, hope, faith, and love which is immensely attractive. THAT is how I want to be, someone who reflects how immensely attractive Jesus is. I fail countless times, but I just want to be the Jesus I see in the Gospels. Let Jesus who lives in me shine shine SHINE. Be Christ-like to those who see me. The term Christians in the book of Acts did not come about because those who were walking with Jesus felt like they needed to label themselves, it was the name given to them by those who saw them from the outside. See, people noticed something different about them.

About four years ago, I began to chase back after Jesus. I wasn’t quite reckless with my pursuit yet, but it was a good step. Three years ago today (coincidence that today is also Children’s Day in Korea? I think not), I didn’t realize how powerful and amazing the gift of receiving the baptism of the Holy Spirit was and would be in my life. The Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead, that healed the sick, that opened blind eyes, that empowered, that encouraged, that comforted in the Gospels is not a thing of the past. It is today. It is now. My God is NOT dead, He is very much alive. If He was dead, I’d be absolutely crazy for believing that if I lay my hand on someone’s forehead to ask Jesus to take her headache away, it would happen. However, that is exactly what I do because I know there is POWER in Jesus’ love for people that desires for His children to not have headaches. So I pray that in the name of Jesus, it would be healed. By faith not by sight, I know it is done. Seeing results is not what I desire, it is seeing people encounter the love of Jesus. So yes, in the past few weeks, even though I have much more to learn as I step into this, I have seen Jesus heal people. Not by my power because these hands of mine couldn’t do anything if I didn’t have the power of the Holy Spirit flowing through them.

If I sit here and think about each breath I take, He is the air I breathe. He makes my heart beat. He makes me feel so alive, especially when I praise Him with my voice and heart. Sometimes I exuberantly praise Him on the outside and it feels amazing, like at Boston Night of Worship for instance. Sometimes, like as I write this post, my heart is exploding as I listen to my playlist. I don’t have to utter a sound to know that Jesus is listening. I can yell the words in my heart, and I know He hears it. He smiles at me because He knows that I am coming to understand just a speck more of the immensity of His love as I reach a deeper intimacy with Him.

The things I am writing now would have never come from this brain during my first half of college. There are a group of people who know how much I’ve changed in these past couple of years. I tried to tell some freshmen this year how the person that they were talking to is not the same person she was before. It’s just the biggest change ever that I can’t describe it. It just reminded me, especially today, how much God can do. He is not of time, so what is three years? It seems like a short time in our eyes maybe, but how can you not transform when you surrender all to Him?

This change was only possible because of Jesus. He lives inside of me. And you whether you believe it or not. If you surrender to Him and realize that He is truly the Savior, the Messiah, the Beloved One, you’ll realize that you were filling your heart with things that were distracting you from the incredible Being inside of your heart. The thing is, you can’t cover Him so much that He can’t break through.

I feel as though this post was jumping everywhere, but I’m not surprised. There’s just too much to cover. My encouragement to you is to see what it’s like to talk to God. He already knows your struggles, your thoughts, your desires so acknowledge Him and see how He surprises you. Sometimes I don’t even realize what I am asking, but He listens and answers exceedingly, abundantly, more than I could ever ask or imagine. As I’ve entered a deeper intimacy with Jesus, Satan has been trying harder to lie to me and distract me from His goodness and love. However, by growing in intimacy I’ve grown to recognize the voices that are speaking truth and those that are speaking lies. For instance, Satan has been trying to tell me that I need stress and worry to get through finals. I reject that lie in the name of Jesus because Jesus tells me not to worry. He tells us to go in peace for our faith has healed us. And that is the truth I stand firm in. That is why Satan will never win. God’s love wins and it is inside of me. I have more power than Satan will ever have, because I am a co-heir with Christ. I’m not only a conqueror, I’m MORE than a conqueror in Him who loves us (Romans 8:37). I still can’t wrap my mind around that one. What does it even mean to be MORE than conqueror???? ahhhhh

His love heals every disease. His love fulfills your every need. It is simply everything. (“Your love is everything” by Jesus Culture just played). Go and have an encounter with Jesus. Just see what happens. He is Love and He has so much in store for your life. So much He desires for you, if you would only open up your heart and let Him in. He’s telling you to come away with Him. It’s never too late. He has a plan for you and it’s gonna be wild, it’s gonna be great, and it’s gonna be FULL of Him (“Come Away”, United Pursuit Band).

This song has been repeated frequently for a solid two weeks. It epitomizes the wonderfulness of what Jesus does for me and you.