As I was in the ocean getting hit by wave after wave, all I focused on was staying afloat and trying not to let the salty water burn my eyes. I just kept looking ahead to the waves, trying to gage the strength so I could determine whether to go underwater or just fight the wave above water. It quickly got tiring to just try to survive, so I would occasionally just enjoy the power of the wave and body surf. Or I’d ride it out back to the shore where I could look back out on the immensity of the ocean from the safety of the sands.
I’m glad that I was at the beach when I received my first fundraising update. It takes a while to process the online donations to make it onto my report, but I currently have $707 from a very small number of people. I know it’s early, but I also only have until June 20th to have everything processed.
I thought I would have at least $1000 for my first report, but when I saw the email, I was so thankful. Unfortunately, quickly I started to wonder and doubt whether the money would really come in. It’s sad how quick I am to doubt God in the face of all He’s done for me. Just a reminder of how human and broken I am, of my desperate need for my Jesus. Every time I thought my doubts were silly though, Satan’s arguments were more convincing. However, God showed me something in those waves.
But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. -James 1:6
As I got hit by each wave, I couldn’t help thinking of that verse. I don’t want my faith to waver (OH look at that… WAVEr…ha) a bit, especially so early in this speedy fundraising process. Just as when I tried to anticipate the strength of the waves but failed, sometimes I just can’t anticipate the consequences of focusing on the waves. Whether those waves are Satan’s lies, a displaced focus on MY own abilities, or uncertainty about people’s promptness in getting donations in, I need to stand on the seashore. Perspective. God is SO MUCH BIGGER than those waves. He’s like the vastness and immensity of the ocean. Except bigger. What is $3500 to Him? He could provide it in so many ways. He’s so creative so I highly anticipate seeing Him come through with more than $3500 (my mom has incredible faith and believes God will provide $10,000 haha. I’m not there yet). That’s a wave I want to take advantage of its strength to carry me through and surprise me with its power.
Today when I was talking to Him about this post, He was reminding me to just look at Him. Not look at the waves or anything else that might distract me. Which reminds me of the story of Matthew 8 of when Jesus rebuked the storm, telling the waves to stop so easily even when the disciples were freaking out. And like the story in Matthew 14 of when Jesus told Peter to come walk on the water towards Him. That’s what I need to do, have faith that I can walk on water if I just focus on Jesus. Not on the impossibility of the situation. I don’t want to have to cry out for Jesus to help me because my eyes will already be locked with His.
Plus, I quickly forgot too how valuable having prayer support is to me. My heart is so deeply placed in prayer. Having so many people partnered with me to pray for Mongolia and my team is so amazing that I can’t tell you how thankful I am. Perspective.
After I got pummeled by some of those waves, I put some music on as I lay in the sun to dry off and what comes on but “God is Able.” Thanks for the reminders, God. I believe!
Oh! And you’ve noticed by now that I changed my theme again. I just needed some change, and this theme is so me. I love it. You just have to scroll to the bottom for the archives and tag cloud and stuff. Goodbye this theme for now! Gonna try this one out