You Had Me

Officially off probation! It happened. Just as He promised.

‎”It is a pleasure to inform you that on the basis of your performance this past semester, you have been removed from academic probation.” My dean even said: “You are incredible! and you deserved this!”

That letter that I received a day before I came back to Tufts is now taped on my closet door to remind me not about how awesome I am but how FAITHFUL and GREAT my God is.

It’s kinda like a dream. I don’t know, I still have 3 posts pretty much ready made in my head about Passion, but I haven’t felt inspired or led to write them. I definitely had time over break, not so much now with classes back in full motion. Anyways, Passion Conferences wasn’t so firing up for me as it was last year. In 2011, the burning passion lasted for a few months at the least, but sadly, I feel like it’s already dissipated. Then again, I think my experience in 2012 had a lot to do with the fact that I’m more spiritually mature so the conference wasn’t such a shock to the system. I’m getting back in it though so maybe those other posts are on the way.

The point of all that is to say that I was living 2011 at a slow pace after I realized I just needed to let God handle everything…living out Matthew 6:33-34 and living each day as it is. Not worrying about the future but just seeking Him first.  ”But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Now I feel like I’ve been snapped out of that dreamlike trance. I had lost any hope of vibrancy in academic life as I was just trying to survive and just ‘trying my best’ to simply get off probation. That trance leaked a bit into 2012 and added to the sluggishness of the end of break…

I’m off probation now though. And I’ve found a vibrancy in my child development studies.

“Things are going to change.” “God will use this for your testimony.” All things that I was being encouraged by as I struggled with why I was on academic probation when I thought I was being faithful to God. Why was He letting this happen? I don’t wanna hear those encouraging words, I want change NOW.

The ‘NOW’ He had in mind was January 18th and the semester to follow. Praise Him for being patient.

I truly can’t remember the last time I was this excited for school. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever been this excited. It might have taken 2.5 years, but God has led me to the studies that give me life, that excite me, that give me content to look forward to rather than dread. I have a LOTTTTT of readings that I actually have to do (as opposed to skimming/not doing it while still getting by in college). You know what’s surprising? I almost don’t mind the pages and pages if I become like a true Proverbs 31 woman, a faithful steward of my time. Those readings are interesting and I am..gulp…excited to learn? It’s a foreign feeling to me, but a great sign that I’ve finally found my niche. Neesh found her niche? heh. Seriously though, I was slightly dreading ending my long day with my first Tufts night class from 6:30 to 9:00. However, I was wide awake even when the professor was talking about the syllabus because pediatric psychology excites me like I’ve never encountered yet here at Tufts. Ideas were going through my head as she discussed later research opportunities and I’m just pumped. About school. It is SO. STRANGE.

As strange as it is, it’s just total proof that God is amazing. He was patient and faithful and loving as I struggled. When I got angry at Him, doubted His plans, stopped praying, rejected help, refused to humble myself to tell my friends, disappointed myself and my parents, and on, He never left. He NEVER left. He always had me in His hands and always will. He already knew the fruit and joy that was ahead of me, so instead of making all the suffering disappear, He made ME brighter, trusting, dependent, STRONGER.

I think the most important lesson in all of this is that I could have studied His Word and learned that He is a faithful God. A God who keeps His promises. Anyone who picks up a Bible can learn that. However, I feel like I know it on such a deep and profound level through this experience that I cannot ever bring myself to doubt His goodness or His plan for me. He didn’t need to prove His faithfulness to me but He did anyways. That is why my resolution for 2012 was to obey, even though I didn’t know yet that this probation was going to be lifted off. To be honest, I thought I had one iffy grade in a class last semester so I was prepared for anything. I worshiped along with everyone singing “We raise our white flag, we surrender all to you, all for you” at Passion. I think I finally let some of the fear go. Finally realized that no matter what, I wanted to follow. Whether I got put on academic probation 3 or had to leave Tufts or removed, it wouldn’t keep me from following Him.

Getting removed from probation is a launching pad into something wonderful: a life of full surrender for the One who gave it all! I am ready to enjoy this semester of learning about children and learning more about Him. I know I can do even better to bring up my GPA and I have complete confidence in my Rock and my Savior to lead me to that goal. If the road gets tough again, fine. I have a family at my church which I am now an official member of and in my fellowship here at Tufts. They will stand by me no matter what as I strive “to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with [our] God.” -Micah 6:8

Lastly, a great thing that came out of this is that I got to celebrate God’s faithfulness with everyone! If God hadn’t led me to share No More Hiding (which was the highlight of Fall ’11, a post people continue to click on almost every day), no one would have known the pain of the moment. I would have ended up sharing this testimony probably after it was all nicely wrapped up and not hurting anymore, but I didn’t. Ya’ll got to share the moment and celebrate with me! That’s so beautiful and I’m so thankful for that.

God, I raise my white flag! The war is over, love has come, your love has won. We lift the cross, lift it high, lift it high!

As I wrote this, I stumbled upon this and it made me cry because it’s so true for this testimony.

“And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe”

“Always faithful

Always good”

p.s. I succumbed to twitter. Follow me at @ninjaneesh

Do Something

Today marks National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. Did you know 27 MILLION people are enslaved today?

At Passion Conference where 45,000 18-25 year olds encountered Jesus, we became more aware of the injustice that is happening all over the world today. Right now, I don’t think this blank space below will suffice to convey the brokenness and pain that 27 million people are enduring right this second. The least I can do is tell you what I can.

27 million is a big number. It’s one of those big numbers that makes this seem like something that is so much larger than you that you can’t do anything. What can one person do to help that many people? If you believe that, that is simply a lie. If we all believed that and just sat around indifferent, do you really care? Do you really think that’s an injustice? “Ignorance is not an excuse. Indifference is not an option. It’s time to rise up for freedom. Because slavery still exists.” 27 million people is not just a number…those are real people who are trapped in an evil cycle that is full of despair and pain and insignificance. Those are fellow brothers and sisters of this human race who are part of the 27 million who make this number the most people enslaved than ANY other time in history. This is not just about privilege, this is about basic human rights. Would you be okay knowing that your mom, dad, brother or sister was trapped in a system forcing them to work 18 hours a day for little or no wages or to be raped repeatedly? Don’t let the immensity of the number keep you from doing something. Didn’t Jesus say, “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?” (Luke 15:4). Just to be clear, the answer is YES.

What does human trafficking look like today you might ask? There are people forced to work against their will whether in homes or factories, children being used for sexual gratification, families trapped for generations in a cycle of debt and economic exploitation, and unfortunately, many other injustices. This is a huge force. According to my Passion booklet that I’m getting a lot of this information from, “The total market value of human trafficking is estimated to be $32 billion-that’s more than Google, Starbucks, and Nike combined.” It seems daunting to me, but I believe in a God who is greater, stronger, and higher than any other. He hates that this is happening to people He loves, and yes, we could cry out asking Him why these injustices are happening or be the answer. Go out, do something now! As Christine Caine told us, “He wants to use rescued people to rescue others…We just need to take our light into the darkness.”

Now, if I haven’t done a sufficient job telling you yet about how immense and wrong this force is, maybe you can watch one part or preferably all parts of this documentary that Passion showed us during our 4 days in Atlanta. If you’re still struggling to put a face to this injustice, I highly recommend following the stories of these 3 slaves who have been set free and are now able to tell their stories. http://268generation.com/passion2013/freedom-film/

I know this post has the potential to be a bit daunting and heavy for those of you who didn’t know anything about this. Especially knowing that this isn’t just happening in the Ukraine or India, but right here in the States (Boston, Atlanta, etc.) Maybe your heart is breaking for these men, women, girls, and boys who are suffering right this second. I know that many hearts were breaking at Passion, and one way we made a difference was by funding numerous great organizations all around the globe that are trying to stop trafficking today. The goal for our 4 days together at the conference was to raise $1 million. We went slightly over it by raising $3.3 million!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I don’t think that money came from us wanting to reach the goal or just satisfying that guilty pang in our guts, but from sharing the heart of God. Pastor Louie Giglio repeated that he will never count us out. We are a generation that is often frowned upon as hopeless and lost in drugs, sex, and alcohol. I agree with Louie though, God doesn’t count us out so we can totally do something now. Yes, Passion is over, but God’s work on this earth through us never ends. Maybe one way you can help stop this is by donating to an organization like Love146 that fights to end child sex trafficking. Or here’s a link provided by Passion to give to freedom: https://secure.268generation.com/dosomethingnow/give/freedom. They do their research on the organizations they write a check to, so don’t fret.

Here’s a list of other great organizations that got some of that $3.3 million dollars that was raised in the first week of 2012. http://268generation.com/passion2012/#!/freedom/

All I have to say now is that we can be the generation that stops this. TOGETHER. Yes it’s daunting to tackle this individually, but “together we can be a force for good.” During the week, a 100 foot structure of a hand was constructed to represent a generation that is rising up, saying something against injustice, and worshiping God by loving the least of these. Worship is not just singing songs, it’s a lifestyle of giving glory and praise to the One who deserves it all. Worship looks like a lot of things, and one way is by striving to have the heart of God that is breaking for those enslaved today. Actually, there’s probably more than 27 million.

Do Something Now

When we fight this together in the name of Jesus, people will notice. CNN and other national news networks did…

Check this out: slaveryfootprint.org to find out how many slaves you have working for YOU.

Stand up. Tell others. Fight for freedom.

Word

I attended Passion Conference in Atlanta kinda last minute from January 2-5, and I’m glad my mom encouraged me to go/that it worked out. Post #1 from it as I begin to process what happened. Sorry it’s late…this post took longer than usual to write.

Click on/hover over the links found in the last word of each verse to see where it is located in the Bible. (bold words are my doing) My own words to come in future posts, but first, my story using the Truth.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. If I am guilty—woe to me! Even if I am innocent, I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in my affliction. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. I am too ashamed and disgraced, my God, to lift up my face to you, because our sins are higher than our heads and our guilt has reached to the heavens.

Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD.” And you forgave the guilt of my sin. [I was] dead in [my] transgressions and sins,  in which [I] used to live when [I] followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace [I] have been saved.

[I was] taught, with regard to [my] former way of life, to put off [my] old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of [my mind]; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. For [I was] once darkness, but now [I am] light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth).

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace that he lavished on us. With all wisdom and understanding, he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure, which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment—to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. In him and through faith in him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains. Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should.

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentile.