Like A LION

HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, MY STAND!

Yes, you are on the right blog! I decided to honor my one-year blog anniversary by changing things up a bit since God made it evident through this blog that He was changing me. Celebrate by subscribing by email on the left!

So bye this format…

My old theme that treated me well

My first post called Hello World! was posted on August 24, 2010. I had been thinking about creating a blog for a few months, but the final trigger was my selfish motivation to have an easy way to tell people what I learned and struggled with about my identity after visiting Korea last summer. That post is really the only one (I ended up re-reading all my posts in reflection for this post) that’s only a self-reflection rather than a reflection of what God has been revealing to me. Sharing what God has been teaching me with whoever will read it is the true motivation for this blog. The power of a testimony should not be underestimated. “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people to who will also be qualified to teach others” -2 Timothy 2:2. We need to build on what others know or else, life would just be so much more difficult. Stand on their shoulders. That’s one reason why we have these experiences where God comes through for us…that way we can truly relate to others who are having the same experiences and SHOW them that He can because He is God. If I just hold in all these lessons for myself, how does that build the body of Christ? [I talked about it in My God is so BIG!]

I honestly didn’t know what I was getting into when I started this blog. I was quite ignorant and didn’t know much about the blogging world, let alone that people blogged about God. I didn’t know people put themselves out there to share their faith and what God has revealed to them. I don’t usually name names here in respect of privacy, but sometimes I’m specific enough that if the person I’m talking about reads it he or she will know. (Maybe I’ve even tricked a few people that I was talking about them when I wasn’t…hahaha ) However, there’s a first time for everything right? I think I’ve told her and I don’t think she’d mind being called out, but Charmaine was a huge inspiration for this blog. She shared her blog with me and I was just taken aback about how honest she was. Char, if you read this, thanks for…a lot of things actually, but for now, thanks for being used by Him.

I’ve mentioned it before, but I was a baby Christian freshmen year. I’ve grown TREMENDOUSLY since then and all glory to Him for that. My first semester posts from sophomore year were very short, general lessons. I kinda started adding songs to my posts and that later became a regular thing. I slowly started opening up…not being afraid of getting embarrassed or judged. I was becoming more specific about my struggles. I was writing mostly for selfish reasons like being able to sort out my thoughts and such, but with My Answer I started to realize that God was working through my blog for my good. He directly answered prayer I prayed only in my blog, but unfortunately, I didn’t think too much of it. I understood a little bit more when God did the same thing in Safe. He also answered questions in posts about water which are out in the open how God slowly revealed (and is still revealing) why He breaks my heart for those who lack clean water.

The turning point though was attending Passion Conference in Atlanta for New Year’s 2011. From that point on, my posts got, for lack of a better term, inspiring. As I read them just now, I got fired up to get to that place again of being desperate for more of Him. Something changed in me at Passion, and my posts reflect it. They became more coherent, Spirit-flowing, and exciting. HOWEVER, even though my intention to share what God was teaching me seemed true, reflecting on it now I think I wanted more praise from people about the awesome thoughts and conclusions I had come to rather than giving God the glory He deserved. I was also feeling obligated to keep my blog updated for my readers so I lost purpose and found obligation. I also found pride instead of love…that I had something to offer everyone else and tell people what I was doing instead of wanting others to find God and His love through my testimonies. At some point I started to think in terms of what would be going up on my blog next. I still do, but now I realize that’s the Holy Spirit nudging me and helping me develop my thoughts that He wants me to share.

Don’t get me wrong, God used those testimonies to move people and show how things are possible with Him, whether or not my heart was in the right place. Whenever I shared and all I wanted was to see larger numbers on my site stats, I easily doubted whether I should just keep sharing what God was doing in me when it didn’t seem many people cared. However, everyyyy time I had a fleeting thought of doubt about my blog, God immediately gave me some word of encouragement from a reader that always got me fired up again. A few times He has completely blown me away with His plans on using my testimonies to bring people closer to Him. FINALLY, this summer, the Holy Spirit truly convicted me that my attitude needed changing. I felt pretty ashamed when I realized I wasn’t praying for whoever might read posts. Simply, I wasn’t humbling myself properly for this blog. My pride was in the way, and it took almost a year for me to get God’s message, so I’m thankful He’s a patient teacher.

So now, I pray for you and I pray that God would continue to use this blog for His glory, not mine. This blog is about how He has done the miracles and gotten me through tough situations because He loves. It’s not about how awesome I am and how I get through things on my own. The only way I can be awesome is because He lives in me. So I hope for the future of this blog, I remember the true purpose for it and humble myself in my stand for the One who gave it all.

Let the poor say I am rich

I was taking a walk around my neighborhood with my brother yesterday, and what stuck out to me most was the sprinklers. They were supposedly doing their job of watering the grass in this nice neighborhood I’m lucky to live in. However, it just really bothered me that there was an overabundance of sprinklers for some grass that just separates the roads and a lot of those unnecessary sprinklers were watering the pavement. THAT WATER COULD QUENCH SO MANY PEOPLE’S THIRST. AND IT’S WATERING CEMENT?! I was exploding inside, but I didn’t know what to do. I think I’ll email someone, but my voice might get overshadowed by all the prominent, rich people in this neighborhood who want to have their grass that is going to get a gross brown color in the winter anyway to look green. (**stop judging stop judging**) However, it just looks muddy because the grass is getting too much water.

Anyways, if you’ve kept up on my blog enough, you’ll know the water problem burns my heart (when I first realized: click). I know God wants me to do something there, but I’m just discerning the timing (here’s one organization-http://www.water.cc/). Those sprinklers were just another reminder for me from God this summer about His love for the poor that finally got me writing this post.

The combination of all the reminders below made me wonder and ask God what He was doing. It was especially throwing me off because I wanted answers about my academics, my lifestyle…me.

The countless testimonies I’ve heard from people who’ve gone on mission trips and the Bakers’ testimony There is Always Enough about what God is doing in Mozambique made me just want to just hurry up and be a doctor so I could go out and serve. Or more realistically, go on my first mission trip. I did go to New Orleans, but it wasn’t the same. Like I said in my last post, I believe all those things happen. I feel like I’ve heard so many testimonies that I know what God seems to always teach people through fundraising and the trip and all that. It’s a blessing to hear those lessons, I’m just desperate to experience it and go through those tests myself. The trouble is that’s what I want. I must be patient for God’s timing is perfect. So I’ll pray about that.

Once I realized that a mission trip wasn’t the simple solution to this whole ‘I need to serve the poor” problem I had, I looked at my own lifestyle and I found that I’m nowhere near grateful enough for what I have. I tried to ignore the kind of cars my family drives and appreciate the fact that we had cars. I tried to ignore the size of my house and appreciate the fact I had a house. I tried to ignore the fact I was asking for a specific meal for my mom to cook and appreciate that I had an opportunity to choose. I tried to overlook my family’s embarrassing and annoying ways and appreciate I had family that loved me. I tried to stop priding myself that I was forming callouses from my new guitar and appreciate I could just randomly decide I wanted to learn guitar. I could go on. Then I judged my mom and asked her how this lifestyle seemed okay while so many people suffered. Why can’t we move to a smaller house? Why do you need so many clothes and shoes? Her answers led me to repentance. I have a long way to go before I understand. One step I guess is that I really mean it when I thank God before meals for the food He has provided me. It’s not just a formality.

Right when I started to let these thoughts drift away…famine in Somalia. It surprised me when I looked through the photos and just started crying. I’ve never cried just looking through photos like that before. I asked my mom what I could do besides pray and she offered to give a donation. I think younger Anisha would have accepted that to free her guilty conscience. However, I don’t have a consistent income. I’ve been spoiled so much I only recently grasped the value of a dollar. It’s not the same thing if my mom gives me some money. I want to give from my hands. I want to give a true offering when I have earned those dollars. Plus, that’s not going to happen anytime soon because I’m SO blessed and spoiled that my dad works so hard just so I just have to focus on studying. Actually, he never wants me  to worry about money because he wants his kids to do things they love. However, I still want to pay him back and earn income to give to those who need it more.

Now what? “[...] Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” -James 2:17. I believe prayer can tear down so many walls that we try to face in our own power. So yes, I publicly commit to praying for the poor daily.  What else?…do I go find homeless people and hear their stories? Do I serve in some capacity? God what do you want me to do?! Just tell me please. Then I reevaluated all that yesterday too. The answers aren’t the most important thing. Those will come in due time, if it is His will to reveal that to me. I can’t demand that. I’m not God and I don’t want to be. Like I said earlier, I wanted answers about me, but I realized something bigger. “I want You more than I want the answers” -Kim Walker-Smith.

Step 1. Pray for the poor

Step 2. Pray for my own humility and awareness

Step 3. Love everyone I encounter. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them” -Luke 6:32.

Step for every moment: Love God and strive to be in His presence forevermore. By doing that, I’ll learn  more about His character so that I can love the poor like He does.

Live It Out

*apologies for thoughts that aren’t fully developed and issues that aren’t touched upon because if they were, this would be a REALLY long post*

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.” -Matthew 6:34

What would happen if we took that verse and actually lived it out? If we truly did not worry about tomorrow? If we didn’t worry so much about trying to plan everything out for our trip next week or our futures? Well, to a certain extent it would be irresponsible. At the same time, I can’t help thinking about what it would be like to truly live each moment trusting God to the fullest. That I don’t have to plan the next meal because it’ll show up if He wants it to. Or…not knowing where I will be tomorrow. Or…not knowing if I’ll be alive tomorrow. What would that be like? If  I really lived out Matthew 6:34, maybe I wouldn’t be asking these questions.

So that’s just an example of one of the thought trains I’ve been having a lot lately. I’ve been trying to write this post for probably almost 2 weeks now, but I didn’t even know what to write. I still don’t. I just know I need to share what I’m thinking. I’ve been reading the Old Testament and also re-reading Matthew. The reality of what God says has struck me. Take Deuteronomy 28. I was taken aback by how short the part was about how much He said He’d bless them while the part about what curses would come upon them was so looooong. I get that it’d be totally silly of the Israelites to not walk into those blessings by obeying God, but all those curses seem so harsh for these humans who will be tempted and fail. The curses that they deserve for their sins surprised me in their harshness. It seems so obvious that the Israelites should be jumping up and down as they praise God for all the blessings He’s pouring down on them, YET they forget and turn to idols?! whaaaaat. What are they thinking? Wait. I fail all the time. So that’s what I deserve because of my sins? Jesus died for my sins though. Yes, I know that! Now though I am beginning to understand what the immensity of what He did for me. ME. An undeserving, selfish being.

“For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” -Matthew 7:2

I fail like they did all the time. I deserve those same punishments, but Jesus saved me. I judge the Israelites for being so silly for repeatedly turning their backs from God. If I believe Matthew 7:2 is true, I have some issues here. We judge people all the time on different scales. Judging people based on clothes they wear, things they post on facebook, things they say, etc. I’m sure people judge me about things I post. I used to worry a lot about what other people thought about me, but God is the judge that matters. I must love, not judge.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. -Matthew 22:37-38

If I lived that out as the first and greatest commandment in every moment of my life, I cannot deny that my life would be so different. I am a selfish, short-tempered person. It has shown a lot at home with my brother. How can I say I love God and have so many mixed reactions to my brother? Hugging him one second and yelling at him another? I MUST change in this manner before I can even think about serving the poor now or in the future as a doctor.

“If I give all I possess to the poor and give my body over to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.” -1 Corinthians 13:3

Even though those changes at home must happen, I must not deny how much God has been bringing the issue of the poor to my attention. It’s the motivation for this post. I read Heidi and Rolland Baker’s testimony about their ministry in Mozambique and found that they have truly given everything to God. It is a ministry of complete surrender, of miracles, of God’s omnipresence. I believe that God made food that should have fed one family feed countless hungry mouths. I believe in all the miracles that they testified about can happen with Him. I believe it. However, would I be ready to surrender everything like they did? When I tell God that I will “Shout for your glory, With Everything”, do I truly realize what I’m saying? With everything? Paul reminds us that you can give everything to God, but if you don’t have love you have gained NOTHING. At this point, what am I doing? Do I love God with everything?

I love God, don’t get me wrong. I just know I can definitely love Him with more of my being. I love His Word, but I know I must treat it with more reverence and weight. Those are God’s words. Those are His commandments for our betterment. So to put this post into a nice bite-sized paragraph…if I lived out God’s Word as He commands, my life would be very different. If I lived each day not knowing if I didn’t have tomorrow, would I be okay with where I am? He tells us to serve the poor, and right now I don’t know what else to do but pray for them (more about the poor in a future post). If I believe God is everything to me, how should I be using my time? Every moment of my life only exists because of the God who loves me. If I really want to give my life as a sacrifice, it doesn’t seem to really be a sacrifice if my life only exists because of Him. It just seems the natural response to serve and love Him who loves me enough to give me a life and a purpose…right?

[this is the kind of post that makes me feel like my mom is kinda right when she tells me that I think too much]

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. “-Matthew 16:25

^So how do I do that? I’ll leave you that one to ponder and ask with the Holy Spirit. In case you haven’t met, person reading my blog, it is my pleasure to introduce you to my Comforter, my Counselor, and my Best Friend…Holy Spirit. (He’s basically the whole package)