HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY, MY STAND!
Yes, you are on the right blog! I decided to honor my one-year blog anniversary by changing things up a bit since God made it evident through this blog that He was changing me. Celebrate by subscribing by email on the left!
So bye this format…
My first post called Hello World! was posted on August 24, 2010. I had been thinking about creating a blog for a few months, but the final trigger was my selfish motivation to have an easy way to tell people what I learned and struggled with about my identity after visiting Korea last summer. That post is really the only one (I ended up re-reading all my posts in reflection for this post) that’s only a self-reflection rather than a reflection of what God has been revealing to me. Sharing what God has been teaching me with whoever will read it is the true motivation for this blog. The power of a testimony should not be underestimated. “And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people to who will also be qualified to teach others” -2 Timothy 2:2. We need to build on what others know or else, life would just be so much more difficult. Stand on their shoulders. That’s one reason why we have these experiences where God comes through for us…that way we can truly relate to others who are having the same experiences and SHOW them that He can because He is God. If I just hold in all these lessons for myself, how does that build the body of Christ? [I talked about it in My God is so BIG!]
I honestly didn’t know what I was getting into when I started this blog. I was quite ignorant and didn’t know much about the blogging world, let alone that people blogged about God. I didn’t know people put themselves out there to share their faith and what God has revealed to them. I don’t usually name names here in respect of privacy, but sometimes I’m specific enough that if the person I’m talking about reads it he or she will know. (Maybe I’ve even tricked a few people that I was talking about them when I wasn’t…hahaha ) However, there’s a first time for everything right? I think I’ve told her and I don’t think she’d mind being called out, but Charmaine was a huge inspiration for this blog. She shared her blog with me and I was just taken aback about how honest she was. Char, if you read this, thanks for…a lot of things actually, but for now, thanks for being used by Him.
I’ve mentioned it before, but I was a baby Christian freshmen year. I’ve grown TREMENDOUSLY since then and all glory to Him for that. My first semester posts from sophomore year were very short, general lessons. I kinda started adding songs to my posts and that later became a regular thing. I slowly started opening up…not being afraid of getting embarrassed or judged. I was becoming more specific about my struggles. I was writing mostly for selfish reasons like being able to sort out my thoughts and such, but with My Answer I started to realize that God was working through my blog for my good. He directly answered prayer I prayed only in my blog, but unfortunately, I didn’t think too much of it. I understood a little bit more when God did the same thing in Safe. He also answered questions in posts about water which are out in the open how God slowly revealed (and is still revealing) why He breaks my heart for those who lack clean water.
The turning point though was attending Passion Conference in Atlanta for New Year’s 2011. From that point on, my posts got, for lack of a better term, inspiring. As I read them just now, I got fired up to get to that place again of being desperate for more of Him. Something changed in me at Passion, and my posts reflect it. They became more coherent, Spirit-flowing, and exciting. HOWEVER, even though my intention to share what God was teaching me seemed true, reflecting on it now I think I wanted more praise from people about the awesome thoughts and conclusions I had come to rather than giving God the glory He deserved. I was also feeling obligated to keep my blog updated for my readers so I lost purpose and found obligation. I also found pride instead of love…that I had something to offer everyone else and tell people what I was doing instead of wanting others to find God and His love through my testimonies. At some point I started to think in terms of what would be going up on my blog next. I still do, but now I realize that’s the Holy Spirit nudging me and helping me develop my thoughts that He wants me to share.
Don’t get me wrong, God used those testimonies to move people and show how things are possible with Him, whether or not my heart was in the right place. Whenever I shared and all I wanted was to see larger numbers on my site stats, I easily doubted whether I should just keep sharing what God was doing in me when it didn’t seem many people cared. However, everyyyy time I had a fleeting thought of doubt about my blog, God immediately gave me some word of encouragement from a reader that always got me fired up again. A few times He has completely blown me away with His plans on using my testimonies to bring people closer to Him. FINALLY, this summer, the Holy Spirit truly convicted me that my attitude needed changing. I felt pretty ashamed when I realized I wasn’t praying for whoever might read posts. Simply, I wasn’t humbling myself properly for this blog. My pride was in the way, and it took almost a year for me to get God’s message, so I’m thankful He’s a patient teacher.
So now, I pray for you and I pray that God would continue to use this blog for His glory, not mine. This blog is about how He has done the miracles and gotten me through tough situations because He loves. It’s not about how awesome I am and how I get through things on my own. The only way I can be awesome is because He lives in me. So I hope for the future of this blog, I remember the true purpose for it and humble myself in my stand for the One who gave it all.