A Miraculous Change

Today I finished reading this powerful testimony called The Cross and the Switchblade by David Wilkerson. At some point, I just couldn’t put it down because I just had to know what miracle was going to happen next.

This book told the story of a country preacher following what seemed to be God’s calling for him to go and serve the teenage drug addicts and gang members of New York. After finishing this and hearing about some people making the decision to come to Christ this past week, I realized that I forgot how exciting this journey can be. Miracles can happen. I guess it’s easy for me to get into the mindset that this is a journey I must follow to be obedient and respectful to a God that loves me no matter what. On a journey where I try to be more like Christ as I grow to understand more of His love for me.  I don’t think I’m doing a good job expressing myself right now…but what I’m trying to get at is that I sometimes forget about the power of the love that first rescued me. The power of a Holy Spirit inside of me that acts as my Comforter. The power of transformation that can only be explained by someone named Jesus Christ. I forgot about the power in His name.

Then I read about how truly lost, lonely, hurting teenage heroine addicts were no longer addicts because of the Spirit. At church, I saw a young girl go up to the altar with her parents and tell the congregation that she made a big decision this past week. I can’t help tearing up while I clap for these people who make the best decision of their lives. It’s an undeniably powerful thing to hear…how people change when they had lost hope. They thought no one cared…no one knew their suffering…no one loved them…until they heard about a God who loves. A God who answers prayer, who knows our names, who can work miracle after miracle. “You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.” -Psalm 77:14

This has served as a reminder to never belittle the power of my God. To believe big things can happen at Tufts not because I’m doing my part as a follower but because of GOD. Who can do ANYTHING. Not that I now think my last post was irrelevant, but I talked about a lot of that while forgetting that love is the answer. How loving God, myself, and others answers a lot of the questions I have. Dang, I’m having trouble getting what’s on my heart out in words…I just need to remember how powerful and transforming love is and that miracles are real. Every time someone trusts and puts their faith in God, making themselves vulnerable and surrendering their hurt, confusion, and everything in their lives to the One who gave it all…that’s nothing short of a miracle.

There’s a lot of miracles in this testimony of Reverend Wilkerson. Read it and you’ll see what God can do. Or better, see how God worked in the same way in you. Maybe that’ll help you understand what I’m trying to express in this post

God, help me remember the power of your love everyday. Help me remember the excitement that is knowing You. Help me proclaim that joy without any chains. I want to sing your love in everything that I do because I know I have You, and You are my reward.

My Humble King

Hello world and all who inhabit it. (not sure where that’s from…)

I finished reading The Supernatural Ways of Royalty by Kris Valloton and Bill Johnson (of Bethel Church). They summed it up pretty well in the subtitle: it was about discovering your rights and privileges of being a son or daughter of God. I’ve been reflecting for a few days and I don’t really have many answers. I seem to just have more to think about and question about myself. Which is a good thing

1) Honoring people. A woman told Kris that she enjoys hearing other people’s prophesies “Because then I learn to treat them not as they are but as God created them to be.” It’s so easy for us to judge people and to see all their faults, but we seem to miss a lot of ways we can mature ourselves. I want to truly honor people as Kris talks about and that’s something I will be more aware of now. “Honor is humility in action. It has eyes to see into the invisible in order to discern and appraise the nature of a person according to the values of the kingdom.”

2) Honoring myself. If I don’t honor myself, how can I honor other people? “You will always reproduce the environment around you that you cultivate within you.” I have to realize who I am as a daughter of God. That was my biggest lesson from sophomore year (click). Now I need to learn how to access the power and authority I have as a daughter of God. The Creator. The Humble King. The Beginning and the End. Whoa. Do I truly realize how much I could access if I would just read about how they did it in the Bible? “He is not supplying according to my need but according to His riches.” Whoa again. What authority has He given us to do as His saints on the earth? “Notice that the “armor of God” in Ephesians has no protection for your back. We are ill-equipped for retreat.”

3) Being humble. “Reviewing the sinfulness of our past in order to become humble is a perversion. It actually creates shame; and shame is a poor counterfeit of humility.” So how do I become more humble? What does it really mean to love sacrificially? Do I really lay my life down for others? I feel like these are fundamental parts of anyone’s walk with Jesus, but I still am struggling to grasp what this means for me. Also, how do I be authoritative in my identity but humble at the same time? Maybe this is the answer: “True humility is not the absence of confidence but strength restrained.” Being humble. Sounds simple, but it is not my friend.

4) Being an empowering leader. As I enter into a position of being able to influence the direction of my campus fellowship, have I realized that “When we dream with God, we become the masterpieces of His imagination.” There’s so much potential there, but am I accessing it? Also how do I have a confident but humble presence as a leader? Especially if “the greatest compliment we can ever have is when the people we are leading become greater than us.” How do I help people walk in the true will of God for their lives so that all of Tufts will know that TCF is a place where this is true of everyone: ”Wherever you find people who love Jesus more than they love the world, you will discover a place that is filled with the joy of friendship.”

Well, sorry that this post was full of quotes and questions, but that’s what’s on my mind. Just keepin’ it real. Maybe I’ll have clearer thoughts to share with y’all soon. After writing this out, all I’ve noticed is that Jesus did all this….I think that this should be a good sign, that I’m trying to be more like Him.

Now that I’ve finished the book, I’m a bit unsure of how to become a more confident, authoritative yet humble daughter of the King. I guess besides praying about it. Please share thoughts and other questions with me! Definitely share if you have any answers. I also highly recommend the read. It’ll challenge you but in a great, life-giving way.

(Im)possible

“Maybe I’m afraid, hopeless, uncertain, weak, and frustrated” -Me (from this post: click)

So yesterday my mom and I drove to Atlanta. On the way there, I was driving and listening to more of the Kristian Stanfill album, Mountains Move. The song I linked in that same post, You Will Reign, started playing. The song I said “I hope I can sing in faith soon, instead of as a desperate plea hoping that it’s true”. As I drove along, I tried to sing it in faith. Instead, I was thinking about how the lyrics still seemed impossible. “We believe…with you, all things, are possible. It’s true that you are unstoppable. Your light will never fade, your promises remain unchanged.” Rather than feeling encouraged by singing along, I choked up and asked God through tears why this wasn’t getting better. Why was there still so much pain? I’m lucky to have such wonderful people in my life that have encouraged me and sent emails that have made me cry because of the obvious sincerity and love in each word. Though God was speaking in their words, I wanted God to help me directly. I wanted Him to flood my heart with peace and understanding, because only He could.

On the drive back, He responded. I don’t know how it all happened in my heart, but that’s how I know that it was God…because I can’t explain it. I just started asking my mom all the questions I was having because it didn’t seem to be working when I asked God. I’m so blessed that God used her and that I have a sister in her, because now I feel loads better. Something lifted off of my heart this morning. Peace and understanding filled it instead. I did a little experiment this morning and played “You Will Reign”. I could sing it in faith.

I know that God is using this blog in bigger ways than I could have ever imagined, so I’m going to wait on His timing to share the true gravity of my situation. However, I can tell you this now. As my mom spoke and I asked her all the questions I was having through the painful tears, the words somehow finally clicked. I understood that God has a bigger plan than I can see and that it’s okay that I can’t see it. He is putting me through all these situations so that I can have a testimony to share…a common ground with people who are having these same struggles. The seeds I have sowed at Tufts are worth more than my personal disappointment. If He has a bigger plan to use me as His instrument and He sees my faith now and from my past 2 years, then of course He will take care of me. He loves me and I must take that to heart. Now…He loves me. So why all this hurt? The answer is in humility: the main lesson in all of these struggles. I didn’t learn my lesson before although I thought I had, so out of love, God has to make sure I understand that He can be my only hope. I simply cannot do in my own power. He’s training me for things to come when this lesson will be critical. I shouldn’t be belittling God by seeing my situation as impossible. He’s the Creator, the Lord Almighty, the Alpha and the Omega. How can I say that this is impossible? I can’t anymore…I have to ask God to help me humble myself and trust Him more. That’s the only way I can do this. I have so much power through Him, so why am I not accessing it? “In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” -1 Peter 1: 6-7.

In the low points, I thought I had done something wrong. I was wrong about that though. This was the perfect illustration as my mom drove along: the road starts to get bumpy and we think that a tire blew out or something’s wrong with the car when the road just changed. We’re still going the right way and we’re still in the same car with the same tires. Just because our situation changes doesn’t mean we’re not going where He wants us to go.

To top it all off, the sermon at church was exactly everything my mom told me in the car yesterday. It was on this verse: “I can do ALL things through Him who gives me strength.” -Philippians 4:13.  One of the points was nothing is impossible to God. My heart was just smiling because I knew this was God confirming everything.

Now I’m confident, hopeful, certain, strong, and relieved. I feel loads better, but that doesn’t mean this is over. I have a lot to learn now that I’m ready to go to God with faith and hope that He will reveal to me what the next step in this journey will be.

So God, continue to refine me into pure gold. Sorry for being frustrated and mad at you when you were just trying to make me stronger. Continue to guide me as I try to become more like You. And ultimately, thank you. Thank you for loving me, being patient, answering my pain, and lifting me up. I have a reason to worship because you always come through.