Compass Center

Being at the 2 month mark of 2011, I’ve been asking myself: Am I still pursuing God with the same fire and passion I had after winter break? And even if I am, how can I have a more passionate pursuit for Christ?

Am I looking for God in the wrong places?

I’ve started to let worry creep in about summer/life plans, but I’m trying to bind those fears. As a pre-med, it’s hard to trust fully in Him when I’m facing external pressures about expectations and requirements. As a Christian, I’m trying to listen to where God is leading me and whether I understand Him correctly. I want to do so much more, but it’s hard to determine what is right for me at the moment. It has the potential to get a bit overwhelming, but what has helped is a song I recently discovered/obsessively been listening to…

(the original version: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSDE2Yf5q1I)

My worries don’t seem as overwhelming anymore. The simple, yet powerful lyrics really hit me. As much as I know that He’s faithful, I haven’t thanked him enough for that. It’s great to seek more answers for the road ahead and to want more spiritual growth, but it’s been a blessing to remember what God has already done and praise Him for that. After reflecting on where I was freshmen year in my walk, I’ve grown SOOOOO much. I was reading some old journal entries and I had been so overwhelmed when God spoke to me for the first time through Scripture. Now I take it for granted that He speaks to me regularly via Scripture and that I’m growing more comfortable as a leader…during freshmen year, I don’t think I could have imagined being where I am now. I really was a freshman baby. Now, the beautiful thing is that even with all the maturing I’ve done, I have so much further to go. He’s been with me throughout my Tufts experience as my compass center, and He will continue to be as I pray for change in myself rather than change in my circumstances.

These lyrics are an anthem to His faithfulness. An affirmation of His character and what He is to me. He’s constantly here with us.

Faithful Jesus, healing Savior
Compass center, bread of life
Faithful Jesus, cherished treasure
Our portion, wisdom, God’s great light

God, You are here with us, constantly here with us
You are our everything, faithful and true

‘Tis So Sweet

Decisions…I hate them. Okay, hate is a strong word. I’ll work on making those feelings less intense. Decisions just cause so much unwanted stress…whether it’s a moral dilemma. Or whether I want Life (the cereal) or a sundae. Or whether it’s worth spending money to unlock my friend’s dorm room which contains almost all of my possessions. Or whether it’s figuring out my life. Like, seriously.

We are quick to react irrationally to situations. Myself included. However, there’s a lessson in everything. No matter how trivial the situation may seem. And the odds are quite high that it’s a lesson from the Big Guy upstairs. The decisions we make influence the next decision, and so on and so forth. When will I, or will I ever, know if I’m making the right one? Am I following Him? Is this what He wants for me? Mehhhhhhhhhh

I’m so glad (I’m so glad, trouble won’t last always always–gospel choir song, sorry) that in these academic challenges and disappointments I face, I have Jesus to pick me back up no matter how many times I fall. “Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.” -Psalm 73:23. I want you to have the comfort knowing that you don’t have to depend on yourself or your own capabilities. Especially for my fellow pre-meds out there. One takeaway from Highrock today: I’m so lucky to have Him through the challenges. He’s totally worth following. Yes, right now, I’m wondering whether I’m going down the right path and whether it’s some signal that I need to make a sharp right turn or whether He’s just helping me trust Him more or maybe both. But that’s a struggle I’ll gladly accept…even if I get distracted by what the world tells me. Yeah, this may be taking my locked-out situation too far, but…I may feel locked out from all the answers,  but I know that I have the key of faith that opens all doors. He is opening up new and better doors for my good. Yes, ’tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

Deep Waters

Deep deep. Whoaaaaaa, deep down down. Do you love your Jesus?

My professor kept saying “deep deep” in class, and I kept thinking about that song. However, I think our love for Him shouldn’t just be deep down in our hearts. It should not only fill our hearts, but overflow. “You’re strong like a river, your love is running through, all my fountains are in you!” That way, people around us can get a taste of His goodness and want it for themselves.

This past week had the potential to be incredibly overwhelming and stressful. With the complete peace of God in my heart, I couldn’t stress out even when I tried. I had to find other ways to motivate myself. Oh, like glorifying God. He did great things this past weekend at retreat, and I’ve never experienced such joy before. Love, joy, peace, hope: all gifts of God that no one can take from me. Just like the gospel choir jamz that got me through the week say: “We’re blessed” and “[we] don’t have to worry ’bout a thang” because “he so good to [us]“.

The most beautiful moment of retreat. I'll never forget it.

“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold” -Job 23:10. Isn’t that beautiful? Even after the disappointment and shame that tried to creep into my heart yesterday, He reminded me that I am more than just a pre-med or a student or a bio major…I’m His daughter. Situations don’t control my life. I’m more than the sum of my past mistakes. “But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness” -Psalm 86: 15.  Again, the water imagery moved me: the woman at the well parable, John 4:13, a Passion song “All My Fountains”, and a Bethel song “Deep Cries Out”. I’m walking into deeper waters, going after you. He will never fail me, and I just need to trust and follow Him through different doors, knowing that He’s working for my good.

We’re stirring up deep deep wells. We’re stirring up deep deep waters. We’re gonna jump in the river. Jump in the river! Deep cries out!